a/n: the summary thing translates to "i love you. with all my love, your kitten" the first part is chinese, the second spanish, and the third obviously english.

3.8.12

dear sjm,

it has been over seven months

since i last saw you.

for all i know

you've forgotten i exist.

forgotten everything i shared with you.

forgotten the night in the portuguese sala.

forgotten my stories,

my feelings,

my self.

and yet

here i am,

thinking of you.

dreaming of you.

missing you.

loving you.

today you did something

no one else has ever done:

you made me

stop cutting.

feel bad about cutting.

accept it,

and move on.

you have such power over me,

and yet,

you give no indication you remember

i exist.

i miss you.

i guess

it doesn't matter if i ever

see you again.

who the fuck

am i kidding?

i need you.

i'll miss you forever.

i'll love you forever,

and i really need

to move on.

to forget you

like you've forgotten me.

i need to be able to

leave you.

dream of someone,

who maybe,

might love me back.

might be there for me.

might hug me.

like you did.

i never used to believe in

the one.

i never believed in true love,

or love at all.

i love you.

you are my angel,

mi amor,

mon cherie.

mi hogar.

every time i think of you

i remember the sala.

the ke ting.

the beach.

the da hui tong.

the guo hua.

i miss you so much it hurts.

i've never loved anyone

like this before.

i didn't think it was possible.

i still don't, sometimes.

i had given up on ever

finding someone to love.

now i've found someone i love,

i want to stop loving you.

wait, no i don't.

i just want

you to notice me.

talk to me.

listen to me.

tell me you don't like me,

so i can get over you.

that night

two nights after camp ended,

you said you wanted to kiss me.

since then,

i've thought of that moment a billion times.

wondered what would've happened

if you had.

and every time,

i wish you had.

i wish i had kissed you.

that second question i had for you

that i said i thought i knew the answer to

i didn't.

i thought you didn't like me.

now,

i'm pretty sure you did,

and now i'll never have you

because i was too fucking chicken

to as a simple question.

do you like me?

because i love you.

love,

ni de xiao xiao mao