In memory of Isabel.
The painfully sweet taste of pineapple.
A bleacher full of classmates trying to be sad.
Pop music that, thanks to today, I will never forget.
Ringing in my ear.
Wanting to be somewhere else.
Pineapple burning my mouth.
The pain feels amazing.
I see pictures of a girl, that I thought I knew.
As it turns out... I never did.
I remember the last time I saw you.
I wanted to be alone, but I put on my mask and smiled.
I wonder if that was what you did too?
No... you were nice. Pretty. Fantastic to be around.
But I wanted to be alone.
If only I knew.
I would have loved every moment.
Laughed at every joke.
Hugged you back.
Said "Isabellie!" when you yelled "'Leasey!".
That was the last time.
The last time before I realized...
before I realized that I took you for granted.
You were always going to be there, right?
WRONG, WRONG, WRONG.
Life took you away from the world.
Remember how I reacted when she told me?
Every barrier that protected me from my emotions, disappeared.
Elze the untouchable,
Elze the distant.
That person was gone.
I cried more than I ever had.
I think that was the first time I cried in over a year.
After that, I tried not to be so emotional.
Tried not to let anything touch me.
I exchanged my personality for armor and a mask.
Armor that protected me.
A mask that hid me.
Because I could never do that again.
...Your death changed me forever.
It removed any innocence I had left.
Made me callous.
...Because that was so horrible, it could never happen again.
I left some of myself at your funeral.
And it can never leave.
When you left, you took a part of me with you.
I can never forget you.
You were so amazing, why would I want to?
You were a smile...
But, I never knew the real you.
...I miss that smile I grew up with.
I hope you understand what I mean when I say...
...I'm so sorry...