3.15.12

trust

is a peculiar thing.

it can build a life,

or break it.

and trust

is breaking mine,

because i do not trust

very many people.

and now that i do trust you,

you have a tendency

to not be here,

like a waiter, or time.

i need you,

but you're never here,

and i'm never there.

you know, i've come so close

to telling you everything,

and i haven't yet decided

if i regret not saying anything,

or if i'm glad i never told you,

in light of recent events.

to be honest,

i'm not sure what i feel

about any of this quite yet.

i hate the whole

damn

situation.

it sucks.

and here i am,

trying not to choke on

myself. i am so close to breaking down.

giving up.

giving in.

giving in to the relief i crave.

maybe if i did, i could think.

process my feelings.

feel,

and be ok with it.

right now, i'm not ok with it.

please be innocent.

please don't make me hate

myself

for trusting you.

i have enough hate in me already.

what i need,

right now,

is trust.