3.16.12

here we go again

i kinda wanna be more than friends…

but fuck it i can't.

because- and i'd really appreciate it if

i could just get this through my fucking thick skull-

i'm not a girl.

and you're a lesbian.

and somewhere in there is a problem.

i think.

at least, i've done the whole

date a lesbian thing.

and it didn't work out too well.

yet

here i am,

thinking of nothing more than

how you said me.

today.

when i asked everyone

"if you could have sex with anyone in this room besides yourself, who would it be?"

you also said rick,

but i'm going to leave out that

tiny little detail.

because this poem

isn't about him.

(sorry rick.)

maybe it should be.

because, you know what?

he's gay.

and i've somehow managed to avoid

that knowledge.

and i've been in the gsa with him

for two years now.

but anyway

i'm sitting here listening

to the whir of several hundred

computers.

thinking of you.

so hey, brain?

if you could just

shut the fuck up it'd be nice.

thank you.

for shutting up long enough for me to remember

the boy i'm in love with.

who i may never see again.

and the boy i kinda like.

who doesn't see me.

being poly?

it ain't fun.

so fuck me if i'm wrong

(and please do)

but i think i need to get over all

three of you.

or at least,

could one of you

like me back?

i know it's hard.

it's ok you don't.

i don't deserve

two of you

anyway. and the third

oh we'd be interesting together.

but let's not.

ok?

awesome.