so, it's been a while since i had anything to post on fp, but that does not mean i have not been writing. Pudge is nearly a hundred pages unformatted, so yeah, i've been writing like a fool for the past year or so. this is extremely short, i realize, but i felt it'd be good to post something regardless of length. hope you enjoy!
friday, march 16, 2012. 8:24pm
It was late when it finally began to snow-past midnight, but not as late as when I normally manage to trash-talk myself into unconsciousness sometime around four. I never wear a watch but I'd always lose track of time anyway, because I'm a coward and that's what we do. Take the easy way out.
The threat of snow had been building for hours-there were still patches of blue against steel when I'd woken sometime around nine in the morning, but I'd lost sight of the blue before noon. I always notice that sort of sky, because it reminds me of Odin. Not the Norse god, but yeah. Kinda. If someone ever told me that Odin exists somewhere amongst all that flat gray steel, I'd believe it. No question.
But what I meant, really, is that that sky reminds me of Odin.
Skinny as fuck and loyal to a fault. Even against his better judgment. Especially against his better judgment.
I was on the roof when the snow finally broke through the black, the stars above obliterated into nothingness. Just…poof, stars are gone. Poof. Like the best magic trick ever. Poof. It was cold when the snow broke. Not freezing, low enough to kill a man, but I was wearing thermals, silly shits they are, so figured I'd be okay yet.
I stared up through the swirling mass of flakes for a while before I closed my eyes, feeling flits of fluff as moisture collected on my face, clean like rain though it ran down my skin like sweat. And beneath all that silence I had the thought that if I smoked, I'd be doing it now.
Not for Odin, not this time, but for me.
Regardless, it didn't take long before I realized I could smell him, the scent of his cigarettes carrying from somewhere and making me wonder if he finally gave up and agreed to forget about me. Alas, no. A metallic jingle, heavy scrape and thunk of boots-not snow boots like mine, but motorcycle gear. Expensive as fuck but ever so worth it, because he stole them from me. I refuse to entertain that it'd been the point of buying them in the first place.
The smell of him proceeded his arrival on the roof, sounds carrying with a thump and low 'drat' before he slid past the chimney and scraped a clear spot nearby. He didn't sit so much as folded down onto the shingles, his knees piercing holes in the fabric of sky before he slid his legs into a more comfortable angle, supporting one elbow as he flicked ash. I didn't have to see it, for I had my eyes closed, but he's as predictable as the snow.
I'm wax, marble, granite, immobile and immovable, carved from ice and I'll only last as long as the cold. Forever, maybe.
My eyes opened, staring up at the sky, and he sighed. From the corner of my vision I saw a red-knuckled hand cast out, casually flicking ash with practiced ease, his low mutter of 'blast' needling me with a flush of homecoming. Once his cigarette was entirely ash he flicked the butt, a winking spark of Odin bright against the snow before it winked out of existence, off the roof and to the ground below.
My eyes closed with the ache of it, of knowing what came next.
Boots scraped against roof tiles and I heard him mutter, helpless in opening my eyes to see him standing before me, a cocky grin quirking his mouth.
Red-stained lips, blackness sliding past his mouth to his chin, and he grinned, feral and tamed and patient all the same. I stared, helpless, as he started to speak, started to love me, and then shock stole over his face as his feet went out and he tumbled down the roof and over the edge.
I waited for the crackling thump but it never came, it had never come-the pounding in my ears had drowned the sound of Odin hitting the snow, the sound of his neck bending in half. I'd missed the sound of him dying, hearing my own heart pound as the smell of his cigarette lingered half a moment before dissipating.
As though it realized his absence.
Without Odin I never sleep, because I'm a coward, and that's what we do. Take the easy way out.
Eyes dry and mouth set, I removed the outer layer of my clothing until I was bared to the elements enough for the cold to hurt, acid fingers digging beneath my skin to the bones beneath. I numbed before I even began to shiver, body shaking beyond my control as I wrapped myself around my knees, needles in my lungs.
As the shivers became less violent and less frequent, my body became heavier, heart thumping sluggishly within my chest. Breath slower, body slumping as I faded into an unconscious state, I didn't even feel cold anymore.
Ghosting warmth flit against my bowed spine, faint heat settling on my shoulder, and Odin's cigarettes flit against my nose. I tried to smile but couldn't dredge the will, but he laughed regardless, shifting his hand to play with my hair.
'You've been hiding, Coward.'
I tried to explain, to say my mind, but my body was stuck, far too numb to move. He laughed, that striking laugh he always made at my expense, and I felt myself rise, standing unfeeling in the cold. He was solid, more solid than he'd ever been in life, and a distant part of me ached with a single last flutter.
'I love you.'
The snow fell harder, swirling past and through us, and he grinned.
Pulling me close, I smelled his cigarettes even as he kissed me, far more bold than we'd ever been, and I felt myself finally let go of the still, frozen form behind me. Wrapped up in Odin I sighed, and we broke into fragments of snow, swirling in the wind and then gone.