Nursery Rhyme Limericks
What a scandal when Mother Goose
was rumored to be morally loose.
She did something fowl
with the Wise Old Owl.
And partied all night with Dr. Seuss.
Jack and Jill
Jack fell deeply in love with Jill.
But for Jill it was only a thrill.
She thought she was smart
to break the poor boy's heart.
Then Jack grew rich, and Jill was shrill.
Humpty-Dumpty sat on a wall,
trying to get a date for the ball.
But all the chicks in town
laughed and turned him down.
'Cause they'd rather go to the mall.
After leaving the band, Jack Horner
got hotter and hornier.
It's not what you're thinking.
To make money for drinking,
he blew his trumpet on the corner.
Woman in a Shoe
There was a young woman who lived in a shoe,
because modeling footwear she was paid to do.
She pranced and smiled so sweet,
on her fashionably clad feet.
Until her mother yelled: "Wear underwear, too!"
Little Bo Peep
Oh, how furious was Little Bo Peep
when the Wicked Witch stole her sheep!
She set out on the run
with her trusty shotgun,
and put the old hag six feet deep.
Georgie Porgie kissed the girls and made them cry.
When the girls were asked the reason why,
they said: "We're hip
to a peck on the lip.
But we prefer a longer lasting guy."
Peter, Peter, Pumpkin Eater:
Said the spouse of Peter, Peter Pumpkin Eater:
"Why can't your table manners be neater?
Washing you clothes of pumpkin stains
Causes me so much labor and pains."
Replied Peter: "At least I'm not yet a wife-beater."
Old King Cole
Old King Cole ruled a merry and generous monarchy,
where his subjects frolicked lightly and darkly.
When scolded by his Queen,
who had a streak of mean,
he laughed: "Woman, don't be so snarky."
My Son John
Diddle, diddle dumpling, my son John
didn't want to mow the lawn.
Until a pretty girl put pep
in his lazy step
for the money to date her and hit on.