"Who are you?"

Said the Caterpillar to Alice

And I say

I don't know

Do you?

"Why not?"

Says the Mad Hatter to Alice

And I say

Because it's just too hard to fly

When no one is there

To make sure

You land safely on the ground

Because no one is there

To make sure that

When lost

You are found

Because I'm not

I am undiscovered

And will continue to be

Unless I can find something

Inside of me

That's worth being seen

So far

There's not much

And people clearly show it

When I speak

No one says anything back

I'm talking to myself

And I guess

That's how you go

A little
bit
mad

Happy for others

Sad just because

Unhappy because I did better

Shameful of past actions

I can't erase

Never quite mad

Too lazy to really care

Much too afraid

To ever

Put myself out

Where people could see

Afraid of what they'll say

Afraid of what they won't

Like they continue to do

Hit ignore

If I died

The world would go on

If I stopped writing

People would continue to sing pointless songs

If I dyed my hair blond

If I said nothing at all

Would it make a difference?

Probably not

So what should I do?

Is that one lump or two?

Where do you go

When there's nowhere to go?

No path less traveled by

Or seemingly

One at all

And you're your biggest problem

When that voice in the back of your head

Whispers things

You can't deny

Because it's right

Pick up a hat

Put it on

Think Oh, that's cute.

The voice will say

It would never look good on you

So, I put it down

What should I say?

It's probably right

Anyway

I hate these questions

With no answers

I hate people who receive

But do not give

I hate myself

For hating others

Who are clearly better than me

For dragging others down

For being around

For bursting out

For interrupting

For being afraid

For being me

And suddenly I'm not

And suddenly I'm happy

And suddenly it doesn't matter

What I thought yesterday

But it does

In a way

At least

That's what some people say

But saying is just saying

Words are only

An arrangement of sounds

Everything is relative

Everything around

Who says that a lamp

Should be called so?

Why can't I call it an orange?

Because someone said?

So what?

I'm calling it an orange now

So what are you going to do?

No one listens

Anyway

Shall I yell at people?

Just to make them hear?

What if this is all a dream?

And you wake up one day

Only to find that your beauty has melted away

All your friends are gone

But in your heart a song

A song left unsung

You don't know where it comes from but

You know nobody will listen

Even if you scream it

But you can't get it out of your head

I feel like that

All the time

The bible says

Down with the rich

And up with the poor

And fine

But why

Do you think

That all people are bad

Just because

They were born with money?

And so

I go

Back and forth

Hate on somebody

Just comes back

To hate on myself

For thinking such things

I hate myself

For thinking

Because thinking leads to questions

And questions want to be answered

And when no answers are present

What are you supposed to do?

I carry with me

So much weight

Of the things

I wish I knew

Like why

Would someone ever think

About things

Like these?

Who says what's beautiful?

Why do you even care?

They open up their mouths to speak

You hang on every word

I try to say something

And you think it's absurd

That I should want to talk

So I form these opinions

About myself

These irrational fears just because

This world is built on observation

And if it happened before

Why should I even try?

I know the result

Or so I think

And so I keep

My mouth closed

Who's going to listen

Anyway?

Then people say

Stop pitying yourself

Go do something

Useful

Like what?

I know what I'm saying

Is the truth

Is it really pity?

That you think you see?

Or just honesty?

We believe these things because without

Our world would fall apart

A broken world

Someone once said

And I believed it true

And still do

Perfect glass walls

Built up so carefully

Over days, months, and years

A whisper would knock them over

And send the world flailing

And falling

But who?

Who would do that?

You?

Me?

Us?

We?

Who?

"Who are you?"

Said the Caterpillar to Alice

And I said

I didn't know

Because I'm scared

Because I don't know where to go

I know I'm young

And you say there's time

But how do you know?

I've accomplished nothing yet

I know nothing about the world

Just wait and see

You'll eventually see

What you're going to be

But what if I want to know now?

Is that selfish?

Is that shellfish?

Who's really to say?

But still

I wish I knew these things

I wish I knew the words

That would make people

Listen

To make me worth

Something

To make my words

Count

Before times runs out

To be more than

Second

I wish that I could listen

I wish I was brave

Enough to go deep inside

I wish I knew what that meant

I wish I could stop questioning it

I wish I knew what was wrong

I wish with all my heart

That I could hear

My own song

Everything I do

Seems to belong to two

Never just to me

And when it does

Belong to me

It's worth

Less than nothing

They say

It's easy to take more

Than nothing

But almost impossible to take

Less than nothing

I think I've lost my muchness

If I ever had any at all

Sadly

It's hidden behind that wall

Which seemed so breakable at first

But now I know

What a challenge

This whole world has become

I wish I was still a child

Some days

To run around

And romp and play

And not to wonder

And some days I wish

I was grown

That I was on my own

Free to do what I want

But I know

It will never happen

I take only what I've got

Which, right now

Must not be a lot

I know some day

I'll have to take that leap

I'll have to take off

My happy face mask

I'll have to stop acting

And become who

I pretend to be

I'll have to stop being afraid

I'll have to try to fly

Whether someone is there

To catch me or not

I'll have to conquer

The voice in my head

That whispers nasty things

Like

She only said that

Because she had to

And

You'll never be

Worth anything

But I'm not quite there

First I must break down these walls

First I must learn to see

To use what's around me

To form my opinions

And make them be heard

First to crawl

Then to walk

Then to run

Then to fly

To be free

To be me

The me I don't know

The me

Who

Hopefully

Is worth more

Than just some questions

That have no answers

Some empty promises

And a whole lot of fear

But not today

Maybe not in a year

Because

After all

Who would be around

To hear?

Should it matter to me?

Should it not?

When will it stop?

Should I stop?

Why?

Why not?

I guess I need to learn

To say

Not why?