Chapter 1: This is Pointless
The kid with psychokinetic powers, Trebob, A.K.A. Bobert spelled backwards stared out the window. This window was very intricately cleaned by the window cleaner guy a few hours ago, its blueness letting sunlight through into the room and its frame carved perfectly into the wall… and the blinds covering so beautifully colored… and the glass so polished… and…
"Excuse me, but don't you think this is kind of pointless?" Trebob asked.
"Oh you're quite right," said the author, "But that is the point."
"So you're saying that pointlessness is the point?" asked Trebob.
"Yes," said the author.
"Oh ok. But that would mean that something pointless has a point," said Trebob, "But that doesn't make any sense so…"
"Do you want me to write about your dumb travels in your dumb world or not?" asked the author. Trebob shut up.
Alright so anyways, Trebob just so happened to be looking out the window at a ginormous alien spacecraft attacking the city. … …
"That's your cue," the author whispered to Trebob.
"Oh," said Trebob. He switched to hero mode. "Oh no! An alien spaceship is attacking the town! I must stop it!" He dashed out the door and went out to confront the alien spaceship. It was on four legs.
"Wait, how is it a spaceship if it has legs?" asked Trebob.
"Have you ever seen Monsters vs. Aliens or read John Christopher's series called The Tripods?" the author asked in annoyance.
"So you're stealing their ideas?" asked Trebob.
"No!" the author yelled, "I mean, yes. I mean, no! Seriously, do you want to move on or not?"
"Fine," said Trebob, "Just stating facts."
Suddenly, the alien spaceship started dancing!
"What's so interesting about that?" asked Trebob, "It's dancing."
"No duh," said the author, "I can't just kill you right away so I have to make it dance first so it can step on you."
"You wanted to do what!" Trebob yelled. The quadruped alien spaceship came down on him and stepped on him but he… just got crushed.
"Ouch…" Trebob's muffled voice came from under the foot. When the alien spaceship lifted its foot, Trebob had fifty broken bones and had to be rushed to a hospital.
"Great," said the author, "Now I have to find a replacement." He chose a random kid from out of a random town in the middle of a desert and plopped him right in the middle of the battle.
"Okay, start fighting!" said the author. The kid took one look at the enormous spaceship and screamed some cuss words at the top of his lungs in some language and ran for his life only to be stepped on by a house.
"A what!" Trebob yelled as he was returning to the scene completely bandaged.
"It sounded interesting," said the author.
"I thought I was supposed to be fighting an alien spaceship!" Trebob yelled.
"You're supposed to be half dead in the hospital right now!" the author yelled.
"Well this is fiction so I can do whatever I want!" Trebob yelled, "And that includes taking off all of these bandages and fighting perfectly!" He removed all of his bandages… and fell face first onto the ground, breaking his nose as his skeletal system was unable to support him.
"You do realize I am the one writing the story," said the author. Trebob mumbled something like, 'I hate you,' under his breath.
"I feel sorry for you now," said the author, "So I'm just going to heal all of your injuries." Unfortunately, as soon as he did so, Trebob teleported out of the story and began beating the tar out of the author.
"Hey! I healed you!" the author yelled in panic.
"You could have killed me!" Trebob yelled.
"Mercy! Uncle!" the author screamed, "Just get back into the story!"
"Fine!" Trebob yelled. He jumped back into the story and crossed his arms. Everyone waited for a good ten minutes well the author was recovering his sanity (If he had any at all) before the story resumed.
Trebob levitated the spaceship in the air, which was technically pointless considering that its legs were all at least three feet above the ground.
"Wait, you never said they were already levitating," said Trebob. The author smacked himself in the face and went to bed for the night in frustration.
At this point, I actually did go to bed for the night.
The author returned to his computer to continue writing the story at 8:09 the next morning.
"What took you so long?" Trebob asked as he looked up from his hand of cards.
"I was tired ok?" said the author.
"Just let us finish this game of Go Fish and we'll go ahead," said Trebob, "Do you have any aces?" The alien spaceship shook its head.
"No more Go Fish," said the author, "Let's get going."
"Fine," said Trebob. Trebob turned once again to the alien spaceship.
"You will fall by the power of my Psychokinesis!" he yelled. The spaceship didn't do anything.
"I said, You will fall by the power of my Psychokinesis!" Trebob yelled. The alien spaceship still did nothing and a twinkie fell out of its bottom hatch. Then it randomly exploded into a bajillion pieces!
"Oh my gosh, it just exploded!" Trebob yelled. The twinkie fell through the air and towards a guy with diabetes lying on the ground.
"Oh my gosh, it just exploded!" Trebob yelled. The twinkie landed in the man's mouth.
"Oh my gosh, it just exploded!" Trebob yelled. The man began to chew the delectable treat.
"Oh my gosh, it just exploded!" Trebob yelled. Then the man swallowed the twinkie.
"Oh my gosh, it just exploded!" Trebob yelled. Then the man had a massive sugar spike and died.
"Oh my gosh, it just… hey wait a minute. How many times have I just said, OH MY GOSH, IT JUST EXPLODED!"
"Six," the author snickered. Trebob frowned. He began to consider teleporting out of the story again.
Suddenly, a period came out of nowhere! Suddenly, he was in a different dimension! Trebob jumped in the dimensional hole. All of a sudden, a dimensional hole appeared out of nowhere. Trebob put aside his thoughts.
"What on earth was that about?" Trebob asked.
"How am I supposed to know." The period said.
"Isn't that supposed to be a question?" asked Trebob.
"No." said the period, "I am a period."
"So?" said Trebob.
"I am a period." said the period.
"So?" said Trebob.
"I am a period." Said the period.
"So?" said Trebob, "Hey wait, this is getting us nowhere!" A black hole appeared and a bunch of twinkies flew into it!
"Can I quit?" asked Trebob.
"You've got a contract," said the author. The period was sucked into the black hole. The computer suddenly charged!
"Twinkie person?" said Trebob.
"No that's Michael Jackson," said the author.
"He's not dead!" Trebob yelled.
"No he's still dead," said the author, "My brother loved him though."
"OH MY GOSH!" Trebob yelled, "IT'S LEMONADE!" A cup of milk flew into the black hole.
"That was not lemonade you idiot," said the author, "It was milk." Trebob flew into the black hole and his essence was eaten by the powerful vacuum.
"Hey, you can't kill me!" Trebob yelled.
"You're supposed to be dead!" the author told a dog.
"Why are you talking to a cat?" asked Trebob.
"I have no idea as to what you are talking about," said the author. The moon suddenly collided with the sun and…
"That's completely impossible," said Trebob.
"Stop explaining logic!" the author yelled.
"FIRE!" Trebob screamed. A cloud blew up in the sky.
"MI TORTUGA ESTA EN FUEGO!" Trebob screamed at the top of his lungs. Mt. Everest erupted.
"Mt. Everest isn't even a volcano," said Trebob.
"Do you want to be fired?" asked the author.
"Heck no!" Trebob cried, "Not after seeing my turtle get fired." A shoe stepped on the city and another black hole opened. Trebob began to get sucked into it.
"Wait, shouldn't you be dead from the last black hole?" asked the author.
"I escaped!" Trebob yelled as he began to get sucked in. He was so very close to be eaten, chomped, destroyed, eaten… well, you get the idea, by the black hole that was terrifyingly close. And unfortunately, the author had to go to church at that moment so it would have to be explained in the next chapter.