Chapter list

Captain Super: Fly, super strength
Doctor Villain: Mad genius
Jane: The girl-…she has a job…"
Waiter

Setting: Table in an Italian restaurant.

Captain Super: Why is it so crowded in here?

Jane: Aww… there are people at our table! We're are we gonna sit…?

Doctor Villain: Wait here. I'll take care of this.

Doctor Villian walks over and leans over the table. The couple sitting down gets up and runs out of the restaurant. Doctor Villian sits down and waves Captain Super and Jane over. They walk over.

Captain Super: You can't terrorize people like that!

Doctor Villain: I got the table didn't I?

Captain Super: It's not okay. Do you have to be such a villain?

Doctor Villain: Yes I do, it's my job!

Jane: Hey! The agreement. Ya'll are off duty – no hero villainy stuff.

Doctor Villain: … but that's no fun!

Jane: No. I'm fed up with you two today.

Doctor Villain: It wasn't that bad… was it?

Jane: I had work to do! There was a finical meeting, a report due on the…

Captain Super: Yeah, yeah, we get it. You went to college; you have a job, you're important. Well I save the world!

Jane: You save the city – from that guy of all people!

Doctor Villain: Hey! I am very good at my job! I try very hard to keep the citizens of this city terrified.

Jane: You dropped me… off a building… into the river… after hitting me with a car!

Doctor Villain: How many times do I have to apologize for the car! I told you, it was an ACCIDENT!

Captain Super: And I did come and get you…

Jane: After I was already in the river!

Captain Super: BUT it was before the waterfall. So I think I did okay.

Jane: Seriously guys? Why do I even hang out with you anymore!

Doctor Villain: Because when you try to ignore us, I kidnap you and he rescues you. We just won't let you go.

Captain Super: We need you to remain a well balanced group.

Jane: THIS is balanced?

Doctor Villain: Imagine what we'd be like without you.

Jane: When are you guys going to grow up? This isn't high school any more.

Captain Super: Those were good times.

Jane: We blew up the school.

Doctor Villain: Exactly. Good times. Who can say they haven't blown up their school?

Waiter: I can.

Captain Super, Jane, Doctor Villian: We didn't ask you.

Waiter takes a step backward

Waiter: Can I take your order:

Captain Super: I'll take an all American cheeseburger and fries.

Waiter: Will do, Captain Super.

Doctor Villain: I'll take a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with ketchup, pickles, fish eyes, trout inertial, and NO fish tails. If I see even one fish tail I am going to… Hey

Doctor Villain stands up and shouts.

Doctor Villain: Is any one in here a… a librarian?

A woman raises her hand, looking confused.

Doctor Villain: If I see even one fish tail, I am going to kill that Librarian!

Waiter: Uh, there will be no fish tails whatsoever, Dr. Villain.

Doctor Villain: That's all I ask.

Jane: You guys do know that it's an Italian restaurant right? Why don't you just order Italian food?

Both Doctor Villain and Captain Super laugh. The waiter hurries away from their table. After a moment the waiter hurries back with their food.

Waiter: We rushed the order through. Wouldn't want to make you guys wait and have a repeat of the incident.

Doctor Villain: It's not my fault your restaurant was… well you know. You took too long getting the food. I had to retaliate – it's in my nature.

Captain Super: What would have happened if you didn't?

Doctor Villain: I wouldn't be Doctor Villain…

Jane: … who would you be?

Doctor Villain: I don't know, Captain Super probably. Look I'm a villain. It's my job to cause havoc for no reason and his job to stop me. It's the balance of our world.

Jane: Come on John don't you ever…

Doctor Villain: HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU NEVER TO CALL ME THAT!

Jane: You guys will always be John and Joe to me.

Captain Super: Hey! I find that EXTTREMLY offensive.

Jane: You're psychotic! Both of you!

Doctor Villain: Doesn't that make you psychotic for being friends with us?

Captain Super: I think it does.

Jane: I need more friends…

Waiter: You really do.

Capitan Super, Jane, Doctor Villain: Who asked you!

Waiter: Refills?

Doctor Villain: Do I have to throw you out of a moving train again?

Waiter: Refills on the house – got it.

The waiter runs off. After a moment where everything is silent they all glance around the restaurant. It is empty.

Jane: Where did everyone go…?

Captain Super: Left I guess?

Jane: But even the staff is gone…

Doctor Villain: Well then let's torch the place.

oOo