The best way to a man's heart is through his stomach. That, my friends, is very true. I mean, if you're a girl and just suddenly walk up to me and say "I have some fries. Will you go out with me?" I'll automatically say "I'll eat the fries first and then I'll think about it" Face it, that's as far as you'll ever get with me baby, and you know it's enough. More than enough in fact.

Now, that saying about the man's heart is proven true for centuries now. The real wonder is, the best way to a woman's heart is what? Through her feet? Through lying?

No, my friends, today I will solve the biggest mystery of all.

Are you ready?

The best way to a woman's heart is though…children.

Yes, no woman can resist a man who is bonding with a child. May it be their little sister or little brother or hell some random ass kid from the street is fine. Women just dig that stuff you know? Like a Harry Potter fan to fanfiction, like my brother, Will, to his hand.

Speaking of my brother…

This is still merely a theory though. And today we test it! All I needed was my brother, my five year old cousin, Henry, and the perfect opportunity.

"Tell me again why I'm doing this?" William Patrick said as his brother, John Patrick dragged him and Henry around the park.

Will and John were twins though their looks couldn't contradict each other more.

John was, in the words of every empty headed girl in the ARHS campus, so like hot. He had the sexy, softly curled hair, the thick kissable lips, abs you can clean your clothes on. It was like God placed everything sexy into one body, and John Patrick came out.

Will was a whole different story. First he was tall, often pointed out as too tall. Secondly he was white. Not the kind of while that's like hey-I-stay-in-the-house-a-lot-but-don't-worry-I'm-still-approachable type of white, it was the guess-who-just-beat-snow-white-in-the-competition-of-blending-into-snow-haha-she's-crying-inside-what-a-wimp type of white. Frequently he was asked by adults if he was suffering any illnesses. To which John would snigger and answer 'yeah, dorkasitis'.

With that being said, it's not like John hated his brother. No, very far from that. He lo-



He liked his brother. And all he wanted was for Patrick to be as happy as he was. This was why John was doing this.

"Cause you promised Aunt Mildred that you'll baby sit baby Hank over here."

"Uhm, A) his name is Henry and B) you promised that, not me."

"Well, I have something to do and you, as usual, do not."

"Hey! I was reading Batman; Haunted Knight before you dragged me out here. Where there's sun. SUN!"

"And people and trees and other normal stuff people usually like. And c'mon you'll be reading your comic-"

"It's called a graphic novel"

"Jesus Christ" John muttered under his breath. You're lucky I like you "Your graphic novel here, outside. Where there's fresh air and sunlight and all that healthy crap mom keeps talking to you about. All you need to do is watch Hank-"


"So he doesn't like, choke on his own hand or something" He said as glanced over to Henry, who was pointed his wet finger and said "play"

"See, he wants to play. You play." John said, he glanced around and forced his brother to sit down on a park bench. "And I have a date. Bye" John speed walked away and when he knew Will was engrossed in his comic, dived into a bush.

This was, of course, not the best plan to get his brother a date albeit not a bad one either. Plus, this way he got to see whether or not he could use the whole baby thing to try to land a chick. Well, it's not like he'd use it in a bar but you get the point!

He crawled under the bush and brought out his binoculars. They weren't much of a help seeing as there were branches around and poking his eye. He moved some branches around to get a better look at his brother who was silently sitting on the park benching, reading his comic and letting little Henry freely walk around.

"Dammit, Will, you're destroying my plan."

He opened his back to take out his notebook and a pen.

The Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Children Experiment.

Hour One.

My brother, who I will know reference to as the Will, silently and serenely on a park bench as a total of 2 datable girls pass him by. Man, how am I even related to him. Tsk, tsk. So far. I am very disappointed in him.

It was only after an hour and thirty minutes of mindlessly staring at his brother and writing, when something finally happened.

As John silently munched on gummy worms under a bush, two pairs of feet blocked his view.

John looked up to see a girl looking down on him with a raised eye brow.

"Are you a trainee pedophile or something?"

John looked back at my hole on the bush to see Will looking at my direction, confused on why some girl was staring into a bush.

Without even thinking about it, John grabbed her hand and dragged her down to his level.

"What is your problem?" the girl demanded as she lied down on the ground with John.

"Shhh!" John said. He looked back to his brother, who was back to reading his comic.

John turns to her and says "I'm sorry I'm trying to get my brother a date."

"By stalking him?"

"I'm testing out my theory actually."

"Stating that…?"

John looked a bit sheepish. This was his style after all, look like the whole shy, innocent guy type, though the whole dragging down the girl was purely incidental. "The way to a woman's heart is though children."

She giggles and turns away from him, eyes lock on John's brother. "Is that him?"

"Yeah" John says with a laugh. "He's not much. That's why I'm helping him out."

Her eyes were still locked on Will but a small smile creeps on her features. "He's lucky to have an awesome brother helping him then."

I grin and return my gaze to Will.

'Looks like I got me a partner.'John though happily.

The Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Children Experiment.

Hour Three.

I've been in this bush for a total of three hours now. I have also acquired a partner in this endeavor, her name is Jane. She has brown hair that curl until her shoulders. Her eyes are great pools of pull, constantly pulling me into their depths. I lay here, enthralled by her beauty-

"I lay here enthralled by her beauty? Boy, are you serious?" She said as she read over John's shoulder.

"Well it's true!"

She blushed and looked back at Will. "OH HEY! Something's happening"

John looked back to see Henry wobbling back to Will, wailing and holding his pink up. Will placed his comic down and pick little Henry up. He started to slowly wipe away his tears, on the while getting a lollipop from his pocket to distract Henry.

"AAAAAWWWW" Jane cooed "That is so sweet."

"I see my plan is working." John smirked as he wrote more notes.

"Well, it is cute"

The Way To A Woman's Heart Is Through Children Experiment.

Hour ?

I have lost track of time for the lack of excitement currently happening to my specimen. So far Henry has stopped playing and is now eating a lollipop next to the Will.

My partner, Jane, had finished all my gummy worms. She sucks.

I already promised to buy you more –Jane

Okay, I take it back. Jane does not suck.

John let out a loud laugh "Are you serious?"

Jane blushed and laughed "It's not like I'm proud of it!"

"I can't believe I am currently lying down the grass with one of the original Barney kids. Wow, can I have your autograph?"

Jane playfully shoved him and glared, a big smile on her face. "I hate you."

"Why are you still here then?" John asked with a laugh

She smirked and went back to watching Will. "I'm here for Will of course."

It was sunset when something finally happened.

John leisurely lay on his back while Jane watched the experiment.

"OHMYGOD! John look!" Jane said excitedly as she playfully smacked John's head.

"Ow!" John said as he slowly flipped over to see what was happening. "Was the hitting necessary?"

"Yes, yes it was. LOOK!"

John wanted to say that was by far, one of the proudest moments of his life.

A jogger passed by Will, who was playing with Henry. She stopped and 'aaawww'-ed at the scene.

"Knew it! I WAS RIGHT!" John exclaimed as the jogger started to talk to Will.

The exchange lasted for about five minutes, ending with the jogger giving Will a small piece of paper. She smiled at Will jogged off.

John watched Will as he sat back down with the tiniest smile on his face. Henry walked up to him and smiled. Will gave him a high five.

A few minutes later John parted ways with Jane, but not without the promise of calling her later this week for the gummy worms. Maybe more?

John picked Henry and Will up with a giant smile on his face.

"So how was your day in the park?" John said, the smile on his face getting a bit scary.

"I'm not stupid John. I saw you watching me in the first five minutes. The girl you pulled in didn't help either."

"At least you had fun?"

Will paused and a small, but unmistakable, smile crept up his features. "Yeah."

"Me too, little brother" He said, thumbing his phone, which contained the number of Jane Williams. "Me too."

So, this was my first attempt to write a one-shot in fictionpress so please take it easy on me. I have really bad grammar, I'm sorry. And I hoped you enjoyed!