Setting the blue flowers on the soft ground, I placed my hand on the stone in front of me. My fingers found the groves and traced the letters. I could feel my hard exterior crack. A tear slid down my cheek causing me to squeeze my eyes shut and turn my head. Standing up unable to keep my composure much longer, "I'll miss you." I could feel my voice crack. I turned on my heel and ran to the car.
Sliding into the drivers seat I put my face in my hands and forehead on the steering wheel. My shoulders shook violently as the first wave of tears hit me. I couldn't remember crying like this before. Once the tears couldn't flow anymore I couldn't move. I was physically and mentally drained. Slowly I moved my heavy head so it leaned against the head rest.
"Why her?" My tongue felt thick in my mouth.
Opening my eyes, the sun burning my retinas, I caught sight of my water bottle. Reaching for it with my cement filled arm a new wave of grief hit me.
Gritting my teeth looking at the ring on my finger.
My breathing quickened, "You took her from me. How could you take her from me!"
I could feel new tears assaulting my eyes. There was nothing I could do to stop them. I hit the steering wheel as hard as I could, letting a scream emit from my throat.
I didn't care who heard the sounds I was making. No one existed to me any more. Anyway it felt good. I started to thrash around nearly destroying what was in the small space with me. Once I stopped my entire body was shaking uncontrollably. It felt as if my lungs had holes in them, I was gasping for air. The tears were flowing freely again. I let my head rest against the steering wheel again and let them flow.
After a while there were no more tears for me to cry. I was empty. I closed my sore and weary eyes, drifting off into a dreamless slumber.
I woke to a light tapping on the window. I moved my heavy cotton filled head, swallowing the fresh onslaught of tears. I couldn't open my swollen eyes fully without the feeling of leaking. I shiver ran through my body. The sun had gone down leaving it's counter part to cool the earth. I sat up slowly, my breathing was starting to hiccup in my chest. Gripping the crank for the window was torture. My body had frozen in it's position. The tears were streaming down my face.
"What the hell do you want," I could barely hear my own hoarse whisper.
I studied his face best I could with puffy eyes. His wrinkles were embedded deeply into his skin. He looked so much older that what I remembered. I felt him embrace me, with his thick tattooed arms. I wanted to push him away but I didn't have the strength. I could feel his shirt getting wet. He held me like that until he found his words.
His rough voice was soft, "I'll miss her too baby girl. You don't know how much I will miss her."
With those words a new feeling over took me. A rage that was so intense, so white hot I couldn't see strait. With a new strength that coursed through my body I shoved him away from me.
"Don't you dare talk to me like that!"
Snake like I slid out of the car looking up into his eyes. I watched as his eyes widened in disbelief. I took a step closer to him, forcing him to step back. He put his hands up instinctually and was saying something to me. I couldn't hear him over the roaring in my ears.
"You killed her! You fucking killed her!"
Tears were stinging my eyes. Each droplet that rolled down my cheek felt like acid. My rage was starting to dissipate. I crumpled to the ground feeling like a rag doll. I no longer had control over my body. I was in a pathetic heap sobbing silently. My voice was hoarse and quiet while I kept repeating 'you killed her.'
I felt myself getting lifted off of the ground. I struggled weakly against him punching him softly in the chest. With a sob sound I went completely limp again. I watched the moon through my almost unopened eyes. It was just over a sliver casting it's soft eery glow. I felt him set me in the passengers side and buckle me in. I felt like an invalid. I sat up right just long enough for him to shut the door so I could lean my cheek against the cool glass. I didn't notice we were moving until the moon was blocked by a grouping of trees. Shutting my eyes I drifted away to a state of unconsciousness.