Truthfully, I didn't know much about Pinocchio except for what Once Upon a Time gave away, so sorry if it isn't what you expected. And sorry, I completely forgot about Jiminy Cricket. Get this though: I remembered him as soon as we got to the forest.

Gepetto was a woodcarver. Why: we don't know. He always dreamed of having a son named Pinhead. After telling this to a few friends and being laughed at for four hours straight, he changed it to Pinocchio. Even though it was still stupid, the friends only laughed at him for a few minutes before settling down.

First, he tried to find the right woman through dating, but all of them claimed he was "too old."

Then, he tried to adopt. The nuns wouldn't let him because he wasn't married. Their comment: "I'm sorry; you're too old to take care of a child. May I suggest a nursing home, sir?"

Then he started to take small children from the park. He would take them into the middle of a forest and keep them in this room he made for his nonexistent son. He would always return them, though. Because he was still sort of sane at the heart, his mind forced images of crying mothers into his thoughts until the guilt wasn't livable.

After a child told his mother who took him and where, Gepetto was found guilty. He was then supposed to stay at least fifty feet away from all little children and parks.

After moving away, a peasant suggested that he simply make dolls. So that's what Gepetto did.

He made one doll before giving up the habit, but it was enough. He got a ventriloquist act from the Peasant, who was more than happy to help without seeing the crewmen and mysterious narrator (we hid ourselves well).

. . . And here we are, at Gepetto's act. The Peasant just saw and kicked us out, but we have inside men. With cameras (in yo' face Peasant!).

"-And Pinocchio, while we're on the subject, I don't enjoy the way you treat me."

"Oh, you mean how I always embarrass you? Or the way I shove food into your face at breakfast, lunch and dinner? Or the fact that I always point out you're single?" he said through Pinocchio in a high-pitched voice.

"Please, Pinocchio, nobody cares that I'm SINGLE." He looked directly at a teenager in the front, who leaned back into her chair. "Now then. You will speak to your maker with proper respect, Pinocchio."

"OK, OK." Pinocchio looked up. "Dear Lord, I am thankful my father named me Pinocchio. I am also thankful for the fact that I'm NOT a real boy. Also-"

"Ah! Hey! Pinocchio! We do not speak like that! You are a real boy! You are!"

"Please, father. We all know I'm a plank of wood."

"No you are not! You are my boy! My real boy!" he then began to cry into the shoulder of the doll.

Some of the people in the crowd began to comment on this change of attitude. "I think that this is getting a little too personal."

"Yeah…I don't exactly find this very funny at all. Hell, I would leave if it weren't for the "no refund" sign at the ticket stand!"

The Peasant left the sign up, afraid to lose the hard-earned money. However, when Gepetto began to yell at the balcony, "I WANNA REAL BOY! I DON'T WANT TO HAVE TO TAKE YOUR CHILDREN!" The Peasant took it down.

In less than half an hour, only two customers remained. An old man who was snoring softly, and another old man who was mumbling to himself, "I want one too lord, I want one too."

By now, Gepetto had gone off-stage into his room, leaving the doll behind. And, as we all know, all dolls are real inside. So Pinocchio was feeling very low, since he and his father were reduced to this life.

Please Man-Father-Was-Talking-To, make me a real boy. But don't let me age, I don't want to go through puberty. Like, I'm serious. I like my age; it's the one where I can get into all sorts of trouble and get away with it because I'm "just a kid."

And in answer to his prayer, a little fairy landed on top of his nose. Or, he assumed she was a fairy, since she had a dress, wings, all that jazz.

"Hello Pinocchio. First off: can I call you Pin? Pinocchio's a long name, and I have, like, six will-be princesses to save from twisted step-mothers. Anyways, I heard your prayer, and am here to grant it. But be warned: I can only do good, therefore I can only grant good. So if you do anything bad, like tell a lie, you will turn back into a doll. Agreed?"

Pinocchio still couldn't move, but he mentally nodded.

"Alright then. Here you go." She waved her wand and started to sing Come Little Children, by katethegreat19 on YouTube.

When she was done, Pinocchio was transformed into a real boy! He started laughing, looking at himself. "Oh my…how can I ever thank you?" his voice, unfortunately, came out exactly as Gepetto's version.

"Do what I told you and don't lie!"

"I'll do it."

The fairy nodded. "I'll be on my way then. So long, Pin!"

She turned to leave. "Wait! I have one more question!"

The fairy sighed and scratched her head. "Alright. What?"

"Why did you sing something that came from this generation?"

"Huh?"

"Well, after you sang that song, I was transformed into a real boy. The lyrics to that song belong to somebody on You Tube. Is the creator of the song a fairy too?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, that . . . no, it isn't a spell."

"Then why did you sing it?"

"Because it sounds cool. Duh," she turned back around and flitted away.

Pinocchio shrugged and went into his father's room, where he was sitting on the bed praying.

"Father?" Gepetto looked up. His eyes widened.

"Pinocchio? Is it . . . how . . ?"

"A fairy answered our prayers." he grinned.

Crap. Now I'll have to pay for the kid.

Gepetto put on a fake smile. "This is incredible! This . . . This…" he didn't finish. Instead, the new father hugged his son.

Pinocchio pulled back. "What now father? We can't continue with our act."

Gepetto put his hand against his temple. He didn't say anything for a while.

"I think we should move. Start anew. Pinocchio," he put his hands on Pin's shoulders (she's right—it's getting hard to write out that entire thing) and looked him directly in the eyes. "We will move back to the cabin I had in the woods."

"Why did you have a cabin in the woods?"

"I used to take child—I mean; uh…I won it in a bet."

"Oh. Is it safe?"

"Oh sure. And the best thing is: it still has all of my wood carving tools, so you can learn how to do that."

They went on to apologize to the peasant, who was very understanding and only charged them a fine of $236.57, the same amount of money he lost that night.

Gepetto and Pinocchio settled nicely into their new home, and Pin started to fix clocks and build bird houses. All of the creatures of the forest loved Pin, especially the woodpeckers. He'd go outside everyday, and all of the creatures of the forest would come to watch him auction off the homes they couldn't afford. Sometimes, when food was low, Gepetto would hide in the bushes with a gun and pick off the sicker animals. Or the ones who couldn't afford their home-made houses.

So here we are, three weeks later. It's been hard surviving out here, having to feed all of our cameramen. Actually, there aren't any fast-food places out here, and we ran out of food within the first couple of days. Some of our people have disappeared. We've been very hungry. Very. So hungry . . . Sometimes, when we can, we have to steal meat from Pin and Gepetto. Normally, no such thing would be allowed in a story such as this, but we're killing ourselves out here. There aren't any food places out here, and many of the cameramen have "run away."

Only Bobo, Danny, Jack, Emily, Trina and I - out of almost thirty cameramen and women-are left out here.

Did I mention we're hungry?

Gepetto has just left Pin to take in the four rabbits and two robins he shot for dinner. Pin is getting water from the creek in the front yard. There aren't any fish. We've checked.

I miss food.

A bird landed on Pin's arm. "why, hello little friend. Would you like some water?"

He held out a fistful of water. The bird bit the hand he was holding the water with, pooped on Pinocchio, and flew away. Pin cried out in disgust and began washing off his arm.

{Note: a new narrator has been called in to edit this part. It has been several weeks since this time occurred. You will no longer see Scott in any of our stories. My name is Samantha, his cousin. From what we know, Scott was last seen in the forest with Pin and Gepetto, and is not found yet. If you see Scott, do not approach him. Instead, grab a long metal pole and a box, go up to him, and poke him with the pole. This should protect you.

And if you do end up seeing the rest of the crew, repeat the process. Un less you see Bobo, in which case you need the blood of a lamb. Put at least a pint of it in a bucket, and then dump it over your head. This will keep him away for at least three minutes, enough time for you to run.}

"Hey…doesn't he look fatter than he did when they left?" Scott looked up from his hiding place.

"Ooh! He remind Bobo of the four fat cameraman!" Bobo hopped up and down.

"That's right Bobo-he looks fatter than we do!" Trina cried.

"Jack doesn't know what you're trying to do. Jack feels hungry and confused." Jack sat on his butt and rocked himself.

Emily grabbed his shoulders. "We ran outta food a while 'go, didn' we? Well, what Is's thinkin' is that we gonna shoot this-here test subjecter'."

"Right indeed! All that we need to do is shoot him, skin the kid alive, and eat. We'll leave some meat out for other animals, and that's where you come in, Bobo."

"Yay! Bobo help! Bobo help!"

Scott explained the rest quickly, and Pin finally finished cleaning the bird crap off his arm. He then proceeded to dip the bucket in the creek.

A twig snapped behind him. He turned, and saw one of the cameramen holding a dart gun.

"Eh-excuse me. I haven't any time to talk about different subjects for your story you are writing, and I mustn't keep father waiting."

"Wait! Dummy-Boy no leave!" Bobo shot Pin with the gun.

He fell back, already dead.

"Yay! Bobo got it! Bobo shot the Dummy-Boy!"

The crew stepped out from behind the brush. Trina put her hand on his shoulder. "Good work Bo-what the hell?"

They looked at Pinocchio. He was wood again. No one said anything for a while.

"Anyone wanna try to get money off him? He technically counts as a mythical creature, dun' he?" Emily asked.

"Yeah! With the money they give us, we can get food!" Scott rubbed his hands together.

They all cheered until Danny turned around. "Wait, wait!" he stopped them from going any farther. "don't we need proof?"

"Oh yeah. Uh . . ." Scott looked around. "Well, since they ask for a lot of proof, let's bring the gun we shot it with, and uh…the bucket he was filling water with!"

They all cheered again and left.

It was just another few minutes until Gepetto came back out to search for his boy.

"Pinocchio? Where are you, you stupid-"

Scott came up behind him and slit his throat. Gepetto made a few gurgling noises before collapsing, as did the camera. We can still see their feet and as far as the creek goes.

"Hey guys! In the meantime, we got plenty of meat to last us a while!" he and Jack carried the corpse down the creek, the crew following. They took a right, and the camera turns off.

See why my cousin and his friends are dangerous? You need to watch out for them. Thankfully, I've happened to hire a smarter and smaller crew, and I'm a girl scout so I know how to survive in any situation.

So. We have gone through two narrators in only a few stories. Huh. Thank god we're almost done with this thing, right? Right?

Finally fixed the Microsoft thing. Sorry this took a while, things turned another direction than what I had planned. Oh, and a horrible ending, I know. But I got lazy and figured this was one way to go. Copyright for Bobo goes to South Park. One episode I got to see, it was hilarious, and used it as inspiration. It is…*checks* 10:47 at night, and I have just finished this after about an hour and a half writing. I am tired, and that is the reason I got lazy. But I also like this ending-sort of- and will use this.

Good night.