Note before reading: This is a brief story exploring the absurdity of the lyrics in the song "If I Ruled The World" by Big Time Rush, and thus to fully understand it you must have heard at least the chorus. The song came on in a commercial and I decided to write this, because I had nothing better to do.

Johnson hung his head down sullenly, and a cynical smirk drew across his cheeks. His chin shot back into a posture parallel to his feet when he saw the metallic black barrel of a rifle peek out of a bush in his peripheral. He put on a false, nervous smile and began to dance awkwardly, just as the barrel disappeared from his gaze. A group of people also danced nervously roughly ten feet away from his drained vessel. A mixture of painfully tired tunes from opposite sides of his neighbor's yard formed a cacophony that made him want to cover his ears and never hear these annoying sounds again. Alas, he could not do such a thing out of fear for his own life, which he began to question the worth of. His eyes, dark with bags from too many sleepless nights at the behest of his former colleagues squinted as he recalled a better time for America:

3 years earlier, Johnson had been a member of the House of Representatives, and recalled the reviewing of a grimly conceived bill. A repetitive and familiar drum loop behind a computer generated twanging filled the room. Simultaneously, a shrill and effeminate, yet evidently male voice sang: "If I ruled the world, every house would have a DJ with a backyard party!". The tune stopped with a click as a stout old man in a formal suit pressed the pause button on an antiquated looking radio. He grinned morbidly and signed a freshly printed sheet of paper that lied on a stack of papers about the thickness of a short novel.