The Internal Beast - Preface
My skin feels like it's on fire whenever I see her. It craves her touch, her soft skin against mine. It wants to breathe in her wonderful scent, to feel her long, curly brown hair intertwined with my fingers, to move its hands all over her body, to feel her lips against its own, to look into her eyes and steal her innocence… But I can't let it take control. I can't let her see the monster inside of me. I can't get to close. If I do then she'll end up like all the rest. A hallowed out shell. She could do whatever she wanted, but she would not be able to feel things like happiness or excitement. She would only feel pain and the emptiness that will only grow and consume her until she finally gives up and walks into the arms of death.
That's why I must keep my distance. I love her too much to destroy her like that. It's getting harder though. The way she looks at me sometimes makes my heart ache. I yearn for her. It's close to unbearable. I don't think I'll be able to resist it much longer. I can already feel it trying to tear through my chest. To get out. To get at her. The closer I get to her the more it fights. The more I have to resist. It almost happened once. I thought I was strong enough.
It was an almost perfect day. We were hanging out, watching movies and eating this huge bowl of spicy Cheetos. It was late at night when it almost happened. We were watching a romantic comedy and it was at the end were all romantic comedies finally let the guy or girl in the movie love again or whatever. When the guy is saying all that romantic stuff to the girl he loves, we both looked over at each other and smiled. Then I leaned in and kissed her. It was heavenly. Her lips were so soft. I pulled away and she was smiling. Then I kissed her again, but this time longer.
I could feel it pushing against me. I knew I had to stop, but I couldn't. We were kissing more passionately. My skin felt like it was on fire and my blood was boiling. I couldn't breathe. I lost all sense of where I was and I felt like I had lost control, like, it was slowly taking over me. Then the phone rang and we pulled away. I could suddenly see everything. She had this big smile on her face and she was breathing heavily. I felt like someone was banging against my head with a hammer and I still couldn't seem to find any air to breathe in. The phone was still ringing so she got up and answered it and when she came back I had regained control of myself. She tried to pull my face toward hers so we could kiss again, but I got off of the couch. I told her I had a lovely time and then I left before she could even respond.
Since then there's always been this tension. Like she's waiting for me to just whisk her away. And I want to, but it won't let me. The demon inside me. I'm losing control and I don't know how to stop it. I need Anita.
She's the only thing I need, but can I resist the demon inside me long enough for us to get close again?