The café was simply humming with the traffic buzzing about on the brisk early Friday morning. There were people who didn't care about anyone in there, impatiently checking their watches every 5 seconds with an audibly loud sigh each time, waiting for their morning pick up. There were those people who were taking their pleasant time, enjoying the morning sun filtering through the large window walls of the café (much to the aggravated peoples annoyance) while they ordered some sentence long coffee blend. More often times than not with soy in it. There were even a couple tweens bouncing in line while they excitedly awaited their turn to order a coffee that, with their age and growth stage, they honestly didn't need for any other reason other than to make themselves feel older than they were.
Of course none of that was on the 20 year old blonde's mind who stood numbly towards the end of the line. She was just there in her thoughts, not really perceiving anything that was around her as her mind was going through mental chaos. She was one of those people who were there to meet someone. Yet her copper eyes didn't look around the medium sized shop in search of this person because her heart squeezed in the most painful way just considering it. So instead she kept her eyes narrowed at the menu above the counter in search of something with no caffeine in it. And that was all she let run through her mind. The caramel or the fudge? Did she want either? She didn't think about how she was skipping her college classes that she was suppose to be taking exams in. She didn't think about how she was skipping so that she could be here to talk to the girl she would most likely be breaking up with. She didn't think about how she was skipping to break up with her girlfriend of 5 steady years. And she defiantly didn't think of her mistake that was the fuel behind the breakup. Nope. She just kept her eyes on that menu contemplating the caramel decaf or maybe the double chocolate chip frap? Maybe just some cookies.
The blonde sighed when she noticed she was next in line to order. She wanted to delay this process as much as she could. Shaking her head at her own stupidity the woman glanced herself over once more to take in her wardrobe. A pair of dirty sweatpants that didn't even belong to her, a tank top she had salvaged from under her bed last night, and a pull over sweatshirt with her colleges logo proudly splayed across the blue fabric. Her girlfriend was going to take one look at her and know right away something was wrong. Her heart squeezed painfully when those thoughts touched her mind. Her ex-girlfriend.
"What can I get you Heather? Your usual?" The barista was of course familiar with the blonde. She had been coming here for over a year every day around the same time. Except today. Today was the exception. Another painful squeeze of her heart reminded her of that.
Heather rubbed the pad of her thumb over the bags under her red rimmed eyes; a wonderful reminder that had been up all night crying and effectively looked like shit, "Hey V. Is Ez already here?"
Valerie, the barista, chuckled lightly as she reached for a new pen since the one in her hand had dried up, "Yup. She's been waiting at your guys booth for 20 minutes now. She's probably gonna be all jazzed up since she's already downed like 3 espressos. Plus she ordered a-"
"V I'm not being rude I promise I just….rough night."
Valerie offered Heather one of her knowing smiles that made the blonde inwardly cringe. If she really knew she wouldn't be smiling.
"You and her fighting again Heather?"
The blonde cringed again but this time it was visible, "I just want some cookies V. And maybe…no just the cookies. The white chocolate chip ones."
Heather dug deep into to her pocket for a couple bills that she carelessly threw on the counter for the barista to collect when she brought the cookies back for her. While she waited Heather decided to just get it over with and looked over to where she knew her girlfriend would be. The blonde wasn't surprised when she saw the Latina sitting there with her ankles crossed under the table while she picked the sleeve around her hot drink sitting on the table. She looked tired. Her glossy brown hair was tied up in a loose pony tail which, unless you knew Esmeralda like Heather did, was not normal. Esmeralda Delgado was the picture next to word pristine in the dictionary. She dressed in pressed clothes paid for with hundred dollar bills and her chestnut brown hair was always neatly pinned in a striking bun. She was often mistaken for a costly lawyer. Heather had once asked why she was always so neat and the woman had merely replied with "I'm Mexican. People expect me to be some gang banger that can't speak proper English and I hate that. Consider this my rebellion." And Heather only loved her more for it. Still seeing her love sitting there hunched over with sloppy hair and in jeans-jeans for gods sake!-made her heart wrench even more painfully than before. God forgive her.
"Here you go Heather." The blonde jumped a bit at the sudden disruption but managed to shakily take her cookies.
"Keep the change V."
"Good luck with Ez."
Heather chose to ignore the last part. She swallowed the thump forming in her throat before taking painful steps towards the sulking Latina. The bag in her hand rattled with a nervousness she had never really felt before. Heather had always been an outgoing person, a woman who took charge when charge needed to be taken. Things like nervousness or fear never held her back so she had yet to experience them. However the moment those soulful brown eyes looked up at her she was shaking with a little bit of both. How was she going to do this?
"H…." Esmeralda's voice was thick with emotion, thick enough to suffocate any other words trying to come out. The Latina dropped her eyes back to the coffee cup sleeve her manicured nails were still nervously picking at. It wasn't fast enough. The tiredness was so evident on the woman's sharp features and there were streaks already on the woman's cheeks that didn't escape Heather. That was the knife in her twisted heart.
The blonde all but fell into the booth beside her lover whom flinched when the blonde pressed against her side. Even if it hurt Heather it didn't deter her from wrapping her arms around the Latina's thin waist and nuzzling her nose into her exposed neck. A wave of calm washed over the blonde at both the natural comfort of holding Esmeralda and the scent of the Latina's strawberry body wash provided. She might get through this.
Tentative arms looped around Heather and pulled her closer, "H…why haven't you…"
"I'm sorry Ez." The blonde pressed impossibly closer into the slightly taller woman hoping she could get stuck there and this wouldn't have to happen, "I know your angry I haven't returned any of your calls and I've been kind of avoiding you."
"No I'm not angry….I'm hurt. You and I…" The Latina took a moment to lean down and press her nose into Heather's unkempt locks because even if she was hurting she had missed her girlfriend, "We've been through a lot baby. And I love you. You know that. I know you love me too. But you've never treated me like this before…..H….are you doing something against the law? Or like….are you on drugs or something? Is this a phase? H please help me understand."
The blonde couldn't help the chuckle rumbling in her chest from escaping out. It made the Latina go stiff with insecurity but remained silent until Heather was past her giggle fit. Honestly it wasn't something to laugh about and Heather knew that but she couldn't help it. Leave it to Esmeralda to freak out and assume the worst of every situation. Still Heather needed to stop because it was only making this bad situation worst.
"Sorry Ez sorry its just-you thought I was on drugs? Babe don't you know me at all?" Heather smiled against her lovers neck as another wave of laughter erupted from her. The Latina huffed in annoyance but didn't do anything to pull away.
"Your being mean."
Heather pulled away from the Latina's arms, sobering up for what she had to do now. This wasn't going to be a simple task and she needed to prepare for the pain this would cause both of them. Sighing loudly Heather interwove both their fingers, dropping their hands in Heathers lap. Out of habit the Latina began rubbing soothing circles on Heather's hands with her thumbs.
"I'm not on drugs," Heather flashed a smile at Esmeralda that the Latina returned on a smaller scale, "but I've just been going through something-"
"You could have called me! I would have been there! You know that! I mean-"
"-something I had to do alone Ez." Heather took a deep calming breath to brace herself. This was it. It was time for that terrible ugly thing to come out of her mouth, "Look Ez….something happened at Brian's party weeks ago. I swear I didn't mean for it. I don't even remember half it and you have to know that if I hadn't been so completely totally drunk out of my mind it never would have happened."
Heather carefully gauged Esmeralda's reaction before moving on. After 5 years of ups and downs, fights and glorious make up sex, loving each other, caressing each other, late night phone calls, and everything every other couple in love would do Heather knew Esmeralda like she knew herself. Better even. She knew about Ez's jealous side. About how the Latina had trust issues. Knew how the Latina didn't allow for her emotions to show unless the woman was really feeling them inside. So when Esmeralda retracted her hands from Heather and turned her pain filled eyes downwards Heather knew Esmeralda knew. Still the blonde had to forge on. Not to hurt her love anymore than she already had but because she owed Esmeralda that much. But the words were stuck in her throat. The pain written all over her lovers face was causing an ache to constrict her vocal cords and her already battered heart. So silence fell over them.
"Was she beautiful?" The Latina's voice was barely above a whisper and if the café hadn't emptied out since when Heather had first arrived she was sure she wouldn't have heard her. Heather flinched at the question like the words had slapped her.
"Ez…I didn't cheat on you with…with a woman…" After the words left her mouth Heather clamped her eyes shut and held her breath. She didn't want to see what this would do to her lover. Though she could picture the way Esmeralda would slowly turn towards her with a blush on her tan cheeks and a broken look on her beautiful face. The silence was practically screaming how dare you or I hate you. All of Esmeralda's unspoken anguish coated Heather's skin with a disgusting feeling that was mirroring how she felt about herself inside.
After to long Heather's ears finally picked up on Esmeralda's broken voice whispering, "You cheated on me…with a man…?" And then Heather cracked. Her eyes didn't open but tears seeped through her tightly shut lids to roll down her cheeks she had her hands cupping. Loud sobs wracked her body like the shivers accompanying them. Not because of her all personal anguish over sleeping with a man but because of the pain she knew this was causing Esmeralda. Since the day the couple had become official at the start of their freshmen year in high school Esmeralda had made it known that her number one biggest fear about them being together was Heather getting bored and leaving her for a man. No matter how many times Heather assured her that wouldn't happen Esmeralda still feared it. And here it was. Heather had fulfilled it. No matter if Heather had done it when drunken at a party Esmeralda wasn't able to attend because she had a big test the next day she needed to study for the deed had still been done. Yes Heather hadn't been in her right state of mind but she had still done it. The sin had been committed. And it hurt Esmeralda deeply.
"Yes…I'm so sorry Ez. I was so drunk and I missed you so much I don't even remember doing it. I only remember him telling me he wanted to show me something in his room-"
"Don't tell me this shit H. I don't want to hear it. God…how could you do this to me! I thought you loved me!" Heather's eyes flew open as she turned mouth agape to stare at her lover. It wasn't the anger laced into every word that had startled Heather so much. It was the question spat at her.
"How can you ask that! Of course I love you! I love you more than anything in the world-"
"Then how could you cheat on me!" That hurt. They both knew it when Heather flinched away from the Latina. She didn't want to cry again but couldn't stop the tears from falling however she could stop Esmeralda from seeing. With her back turned to her lover Heather trained her wet eyes on the windows people on the outside passed by.
"I didn't want to do it Ez! I love you and only you like I've only ever always loved only you."
"Oh come on Heather! Stop feeding me that shit! You got fed up with me and decided you needed a man-"
"No!" The blonde whirled around to jab a finger at Esmeralda's chest while angry tears streamed down her cheeks, "You were always and still are all I will ever need! I was drunk and vulnerable that's all it was! You have to know that!"
"No Esmeralda you let me finish! I want you to hear everything before you break up with me and my heart is left here in this coffee shop floor for the janitor to sweep up!"
"I said no! I didn't want to sleep with him! I was already depressed that you couldn't be there with me so I drank more than I ever normally would. And when you called saying we couldn't hang out the next day either I got even more sad and drank more. I talked about you all night and Ryan knew how vulnerable and depressed I was and I'm sure that's why he invited me up to his room. When I woke up the next day with a hangover from hell in his bed the first thing I did was scream. Scream at the top of my lungs because I knew you were going to leave me Ez. I knew that we would be over forever and I was going to die every single day I no longer got to hold you or kiss you or call you mine." Heather had to pause to suck in large gulps of air she had somehow forgot to take in while sobbing. In front of her she watched Esmeralda fall to pieces right along with her, at every word uttered. The more Heather spoke the deeper Esmeralda's frown sunk right along with how low the Latina's heart had fallen inside her constricted chest. Tears fell consistently between them but Heather wasn't done.
"I avoided you not out of guilt but because I knew that this was going to be like once you found out. And in that time I started getting sick and after I guessed why I knew. I didn't have to take a test even though I did. So that fueled my reason behind ignoring you and-"
"Wait wait okay stop. Slow down." The Latina wiped her eyes away and a bit of her former self was restored when she turned in a business like manor and slowly sipped at her coffee before folding her trembling hands in her lap, "What are you….are you saying that your pregnant Heather?"
Heather swallowed, whipping away a few of her own tears with her sleeve, "Yes. I…I started getting morning sickness a week ago. I took a couple tests too. Positive, all of them."
Esmeralda didn't respond right away. She was slowly building back up to swallow her emotions like she normally would have. All of her pain and frustrations were poured into a mask of calmness while she sipped at her coffee. Heather watched her closely. The blond wanted to remember this moment so that when she left this café alone she could replay this in her head and let it hurt all over again.
"Does…" The Latina spoke slow to make sure each word was enunciated without a trace of her accent imbedded in the sentence, "Does he know that he's a father?"
Heather sighed, "Yes. I called him three days ago. He freaked out about how his parents are going to kill him because his dad is a preacher or something. And that we need to get married because he had to or something like that. I wasn't really listening."
Again the Latina took minutes to respond and when she did she kept her eyes fixed on her tan digit tracing the rim of her cup, "Why not?"
Heathers perfectly manicured eye brows fell into frown as she watched Esmeralda's face. If the Latina noticed Heather's confused gaze she didn't make it known.
"What do you mean 'why not?'? Why would I? It's not like-" The words died in Heather's throat when Esmeralda turned to give Heather a blank look which, coming from Ez, meant she was displeased.
"You intend to leave him out of his child's life? He has every right to be a part of whatever that kid is going to do. First haircut, first loose tooth, first dance recital or pee wee football game. You can't really fairly cut him out just because you made a mistake."
Heather swallowed roughly under not just the scrutiny of Esmeralda's unwavering gaze but also from the burn of her perfectly formed words. This was killing the blonde in ways even she didn't understand.
"I didn't think…I mean-"
"No you didn't think. You go to a party, cheat on me, then get knocked up with some preachers son's kid." The Latina let out a humorous laugh that stabbed Heather's mangled heart, "What did you expect me to say? 'Oh baby this is perfect! We can raise it together and have the best life!' You didn't think for one second this guy was going to want to be a part of his own child's life? That he had more of a claim at being that child's parent than I ever did? My god H do you know how selfish that is? How fucked up this is! I can't ever be a part of your future now! We have no choice but to break up! You have to marry that guy! Damn it H….damn it! I love you. Why'd you have to do this to us! Damn it why!" With each emphasized damn it Esmeralda pounded her fist hard against he table gathering the attention of a few people around them. Heather shyly darted her eyes from person to person who was either glaring at them for disrupting their morning coffee or the amused onlookers obvious laughs. That led to infuriate Esmeralda more since Heather seemed to care more about what people thought of the outburst than the reason behind it. The Latina swept her coffee off the table with the back of her hand, sending it flying across the white linoleum tile. Cream colored coffee spilled in a pool with a disturbing splash. Now everyone was watching. Heather was staring wide eyed at Esmeralda's first ever display of anger while the Latina seethed with a tight grip on the edge of the table.
"Ez…I…I didn't want…I don't want to loose you…"
"Ay dioz mio! Heather how do you expect me to stay! Bebé there is no way I can stay! Your pregnant with a man's baby. A man who wants you to marry him. So you can raise the kid together. I get this feeling he wouldn't appreciate me sleeping with his wife and I refuse to love you in the back ground. Tonto del culo! Putra madré! Joder! Joder, joder, joder!" Esmeralda continued to rant and cuss in Spanish for another few moments which Heather used to stop her tears. This was it. This was what Heather had come here for. To have that inseparable tie that had brought the two woman together severed because of the baby growing inside of the blonde. Heather had known it had to be done but she hadn't expected it to be this hard.
Years. Heather had invested years into building this relationship with Esmeralda. No one understood or loved this gorgeous woman the way Heather did. And no one ever would because Esmeralda Delgado would always belong to Heather Wright. Just as Heather Wright would always belong to Esmeralda Delgado. They were written together in the stars. Love was a word that had been thought up to describe the couple because no other word fit quite right. This breakup should not be happening. It would upset the balance of the universe because they were meant to be. They were a living fairy tale where Heather was the fair princess and Esmeralda was her knight in shining armor. This couldn't be happening. It wasn't right.
But it was. It was and it was hurting both of them. It was almost as if the pair had been hurled off a cliff and they were falling to their inevitable death. The rip tearing their hearts in two made that much obvious. Death had to hurt his much because life wouldn't be worth living if it didn't.
Heather Wright however didn't back down when she was faced with an impossible task. She didn't give up on her goals. Heather didn't quit when quitting was an only logical option. And she wasn't about to stop.
Heather turned in the seat so quick the leather beneath her groaned in protest and lunged at Esmeralda. The Latina had no chance to defend herself from Heather's hungry lips pressing heavily against her own. Nor could she stop the blonde's hands from going around her neck to hold her in place. And she of course had no control over her own hands burying themselves into Heather's blond locks.
They both needed this. A connection of some sort Just a comforting kiss that tasted like salt for both woman. They lost themselves in the kiss for minutes because neither one wanted it to end and both were ravenous for one another's lips. It wasn't a searing kiss but it was needy. And when they finally broke apart their hands remained on one another and their foreheads touched ever so gently so they could stare into one another's eyes. Roan peering deeply into hazel.
"We'll figure it out." Heather whispered, her warm breath mingling with the Latina's.
Ez nodded meagerly, "We'll make it work."
"I can't loose you."
"I love you."
Heather gave Esmeralda a soft Eskimo kiss that caused them both to smile smally, "I love you too."
"I bet I could be an awesome Aunt."
"We'll figure it out Ez. I can't live without you."
"I'm not going to your wedding." Heather frowned at the prospect of marrying anyone but Esmeralda but the Latina just laughed softly.
"We can do this." It was a lasting thought. An outcast promise to any god that excepted them. Somehow this wouldn't end.
But that's the funny thing about life. You can't control it and you can't expect things from it or you for sure will not get it.
Ay dioz mio - Oh my god
Tonto del culo - roughly translates into 'an idiot of an ass' but it refers to someone who is being really stupid
Putra madré - mother fucker
Joder - Fuck
Bebé - Babe