"Where are you? I am right here. I am searching for you, even now." Feelings without form, the words will not pierce the blackness. The city was vast, and empty, and dark... but somehow, everything she saw reminded her only of the warm times she spent with you.
Monday, April 5 7:42 PM
He stood at the edge of the building, frowning as he looked down into the throng. It was a scene he had witnessed many times before; a young girl is accosted by a young man, and he attempted to take advantage of her kindness. Inexcusable. Unforgivable. It would take him only a few moments to leap down and stop this transgression... but it was already too late. There was another on the scene, a young boy that seemed no different than any other, but at a glance he could tell the boy was dangerous. That boy was the specter of death. If the two of them should meet the boy would kill him at that very moment. The boy intervened, and sure enough the crisis was resolved. It could not have been otherwise.
He heard the door to the stairwell opening behind him and paused. He could not avoid being seen now. No, he had been seen already. The door to the rooftop had a window. Whoever was approaching him must have seen him standing there through the window, and still decided to come and see him. Was it a fan? The press? Or a former criminal looking for revenge? There was nothing to do now but see which it would be...
She wanted nothing more than to take back those words said in anger. She would forget all her curses, would fall down and beg forgiveness, if only you would appear before her once more. All she wanted is to be back in your arms, and to never let go again.
Thursday, April 8 11:18 AM
Had she made a wrong turn somewhere? One minute she was walking across campus back to her office, and the next she was elbowing her way down a sidewalk. She stopped to get her bearings and almost immediately wished she had not bothered. Buildings of concrete and glass towered above her, giving her a sense of vertigo. A thick scent of smog assaulted her nostrils and forced her to cough. Adding to her sense of displacement, she quickly noticed she was the only Caucasian in sight; as far as she could see were Japanese faces. That made it easier for her to guess where she was... but the more important questions remained: Why? And how? What about her husband or her kids? Did they know she was here? She had to call them, let them know what happened. She hurriedly began digging through her purse, certain her cell phone was there somewhere...
She felt a light tug on her pencil skirt, and in surprise she whirled around. Standing there, looking up at her expectantly, was a small Japanese girl. Maybe four years old? Definitely not one of her children; they all shared their mother's sandy-blonde hair, and this child's hair was a rich oak brown. She could only blink in dumb surprise. She had never been to Japan before, and she certainly had no idea what was happening. So why was this girl looking up at her as if she knew her?
Where should she go, when everywhere is a place without you? What kind of tomorrow should she look forward to, if it is just going to be another day without you?
Thursday, April 8 6:32 PM
She stood in front of the familiar yet terrifying door, unable to work up the courage to knock. Intellectually she knew she did not even need to knock: this door could never be closed for her. Still, considering the circumstances she felt it would be rude to just barge in. 'I'm so nervous,' she thought to herself.
'Don't be. I'll be right here with you.' A whisper came into her head in her own voice, but it was most certainly not a thought she would have. It did sound slightly odd, in the same way your voice being heard through a tape recorder did not sound quite right. She had gotten mostly used to it, if only because her mind was occupied by other things.
She wrung her hands, her shoulders shaking. 'But what if it doesn't work? What if they suspect something? We still don't know what will happen if-'
'This is what you wanted, right? There is nothing to be nervous about, then.'
Her hand closed over the doorknob. '... So I'll really be able to see him, if I do this? It's really okay?'
'I guarantee it.'
In her deepest heart she knew she could not reach you, but to admit it now would end her. If she knew you would not come back, she would fall down and never get up. Why walk, when her legs will never carry her to the one thing she desires?
Saturday, April 10 6:01 PM
alley dark wet noisy hate this noise so annoying noise of cars noise of people hate people useless people hateful people dirty people dirty alley noise noisy me? not me but me lots me but not me hate me hate not me hate noise stop noise noisy child noisy me child? me not child not me child never shut up make her shut up burn her crush her chop her up running child fast child annoying so annyoing hate child kill child boy burn boy not burned! why? stop boy not boy DEATH keep away smash boy can't smash too late fly get girl kill girl no see girl's secrets who is the boy what are you hiding how do i kill him where where where-
'Aren't you the one who wants to die?'
oh god i remember i killed him i didn't want to i didn't mean to i couldn't stop myself please i can't go on just kill me please hurry i don't want to live oh god oh john i'm sorry i'm sorry so sorry
And so she travels through the city, searching for something that is not here to find.