The unearthly screams of a 15-foot monster as it smashes open your test tube is possibly the worst wake-up call I have ever experienced. That thing was big. Its muscles had muscles. Its skin was so red and raw, it looked like it had popped down to the nearest Indian takeaway and decided to take a bath in a massive vat of tikka masala sauce.

It was vaguely and bizarrely humanoid, with slits where its mouth and nose should have been. Maybe in a past life it had been somebody's maths teacher. Now it was the incredible hulk's inbred-looking cousin.

Told ya you wouldn't like the look of him Bruce chuckles. I'm too busy thinking of every swearword under the sun to reply.

Something must have distracted it from tearing me to shreds though because it flung itself across the other side of the laboratory, clearing both rows of desks and smashing a lot of delicate-looking equipment. Glass and blobs of radioactive green liquid flew everywhere, illuminating the hall with a dim glow.

The tikka masala giant (let's just save some time and call it TMG) paused at the sound of clicking and scuttling that was getting nearer. Four more bizarre creatures leaped into the room. They looked a bit like Jeffery, only sleeker and more powerful. Their massive insectile legs propelled them forwards, their faces weren't falling to bits. These guys looked dangerous.

TMG crashed through the wall at the other end of the lab, trying to escape but they shoot darts from their knees into its back and TMG fell flat on its hideous face. They pick up the carcass so easily, it might as well have been filled with helium, and drag it through the main doors.

It was like watching a vicious lion being devoured by beelzebub himself. I almost felt sorry for it, but I was too busy praising whatever deity that they didn't kill me too. I climbed shakily out of the tube and grab Bruce. I sprint across the room like a fire's been lit under my ass because I'd rather walk across the desert for the next ten years than spend another minute here. The doll laughs bitterly.

You and me both, kid.

I need to get out of this madhouse.