If you want you can skip the preamble to the story which is about 3 pages worth of reading, but if you are the kind of person I think you are, you might just find the preamble amusing.

This is an original story and I reserve the rights to sue the pants off you if you distribute it under your name or for profit without cutting me in for 50% of the proceeds. It was commissioned by a friend of mine from university, hereafter referred to as "Becky". "Becky" was pretty, so I wrote it. To the best of my knowledge "Becky" still is pretty, though I haven't seen her in person in a few years. I facestalk "Becky" once in a while, but no more than I do to all of my other friends, so it's perfectly normal.

Seriously…

I'm not creepy at all…

Stop judging me!

Dedicated to "Becky", who, like all pretty 20 something year old girls, wishes she were a magical faerie ballerina princess with magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers.

If this story somehow makes me $1000 I'll be sure to buy "Becky" a nice Christmas gift. And maybe something for "Becky"'s birthday to. If it makes me $1,000,000 I'll definitely buy "Becky" something for both Christmas and "Becky"'s Birthday, and possibly (probably) fly "Becky" to Australia for a visit. If you think "Becky" should visit me in Australia, please review and I'll give you info on how to donate to the "send Becky to visit Duck in Australia" fund. (paypal donate, if someone donates, even a penny, I will laugh VERY HARD. If someone donates $10, I will laugh for ten minutes straight, and if someone donates $100, I promise to pee myself laughing).

As an aside (to may already lengthy aside), I don't care who you are, you totally wish you were in Australia, even if you don't think you wish you were in Australia. Even if you already are in Australia. Especially if you already are in Australia.

This story was posted at the request of "Captain Mockingjay" (hereafter referred to as "Captain Mockingjay") from . "Captain Mockinjay" left me a rocking review for the only other short story I have ever published online (or written). It is entitled "The Way Romeo and Juliette Should Have Ended" and I wrote it in grade 11, probably in the year 2000. If you liked this story, go on over to fanfiction and look it up. My name on facfiction is Mad House 22. I am still amazed at how I get the occasional review for that story out of the blue, and all my reviews are ridiculously positive. I guess I was pretty talented in grade 11. That's something like 11 years ago now. You probably want me to shut up and let you read the story already…

Well FINE!

Sheesh…

Everybody's a critic.

Ok, I'm seriously going to let you read the story now. I hope you enjoy it. Please review and say nice things, because if you didn't like it, then I don't care. I like it, and "Becky" liked (likes) it. There are more dedications at the end of the story, be sure to read those too.

All this stuff is fiction. Anything that sounds like it is not fiction is fiction too. None of the names in this story are real names. Especially not "Becky". If any of the names in this story resembles the name of anyone, real or fictional, I swear it is just a happy accidental co-incidence and was completely unintentional.

This story is best when read out loud to a large group of people.

OK, I'll shut up now. Go read the story already. Yeesh.

Magical Faerie Ballerina Princess Becky

and her Magical Faerie Ballerina Princess Dancing Slippers

Written By: Duck

Commissioned By: "Becky"

Once upon a time, in the distant, mystical, far off land of Barrie Ontario there lived a magical ballerina faerie princess by the name of Becky. Now, this magical faerie ballerina princess was no ordinary magical faerie ballerina princess, she was the best and most beautiful magical faerie ballerina princess in the entire distant, mystical, far off land of Barrie Ontario.

Unfortunately, as everybody knows, in stories like this, the vile virulent villains are always either stepmothers, all of whom are evil, or witches, all of whom are wicked (except for Galinda, whom I am pretty sure never existed anyway). Even more unfortunately the magical ballerina faerie princess Becky had not only a wicked witch that hated her, not only an evil stepmother who hated her, but a wicked evil witch stepmother who despised magical ballerina faerie princess Becky with a loathing so ferocious , so evil, that all other loathings paled in comparison.

One might believe that Becky, being the best and most beautiful magical faerie ballerina princess led a blessed life, for she even had magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers that allowed her to win every dance competition in the entire distant, mystical, far off land of Barrie Ontario. Ever since she was born, in fact, she had won the first place ribbon for every kind of dance at every fair in all of the surrounding counties. She was the envy of all of the magical faerie ballerina princess's. But most of all she was the envy of her wicked evil witch stepmother, who had never been able to dance and coveted Becky's magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers, to top it all off she was also jealous of magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's unparalleled beauty.

And so, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother concocted a conniving wicked evil scheme, for she wished to steal the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers. "Becky, my dear," she crooned as only a wicked evil witch stepmother can, "pray, do come here that I may massage your feet, for they must be ever so tired from dancing."

Alas, it was true, for the magical faerie ballerina princess Becky danced wherever she went, whatever she was doing, weather it be mowing the lawn in front of her enchanted castle, studying diligently, or even watching the ballet; and even though one of the powers that the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers granted was the ability to dance eternally, even in one's sleep, Becky had recently developed a charlie horse of epic and untold proportions, and even if she hadn't, she was never one to reject a free foot massage.

Now magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother massaged with all her might, planning to numb the magical faerie ballerina princess's feet in to a false sense of security in hopes of removing the slippers. She massaged magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's feet for three minutes, then three hours, then three days, all the while attempting to avoid kicks from the perpetually dancing feet. Three days later, battered and bruised from the kicks that she had not managed to avoid, Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother felt secure in the fact that magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's feet had been lulled in to a false sense of security, she could tell because magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's feet were no longer doing ballet, swing, break dancing, or even disco, but had slowed to the pace of a light waltz, and so magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's evil wicked witch stepmother made an attempt at removing the shoes. First she tried taking them off; next she tried lubricating them with butter, oil, and soap. She then tried to use a jackhammer, sulfuric acid, and finally even dynamite. Alas, nothing would work, for the slippers were enchanted so that they could not be removed except by the will of the one who is dancing, and magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother could not dance! Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky thanked her wicked evil witch stepmother for the massage with a perfect curtsy, and went off to win her next competition.

As one can imagine, this threw magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother in to a rage of unparalleled proportions, but, as with all rages, it eventually subsided into a depression of self pity. This depression of self pity resulted in magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother watching every re-run of I Love Lucy (because it is the favorite television program of wicked evil witch stepmothers everywhere) whilst consuming several truckloads of pralines and cream iced cream. Yum.

In the hours and days that it took to accomplish this, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother's depression and self pity shrunk, but her love handles grew, and grew, and grew. When she finally realized what had happened, no diet, no surgery, not even Richard Simmons could save her from her own gross obesity. There was only one solution: dance off the pounds.

Inspired by I Love Lucy, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother concocted one final attempt at a scheme in order to acquire the only shoes in all the mystical, distant, far off land of Barrie Ontario that could help her with task of shedding her excess weight, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers.

That very day magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother invited magical faerie ballerina princess Becky to the beach, for some quality bonding time. Though magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother was now very insecure at the thought of appearing in public in a bathing suit, due to her gross obesity, she knew that this was her last chance to get at the slippers. Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky would have to take them off before she went into the water. Alas, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky was content to tan on the warm sand rather than swim. As magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's evil wicked witch stepmother dwelled on and fumed about this fact, she was once again overcome with an extreme bout of depression and self pity. This caused her to consume everything in the picnic luncheon that magical faerie ballerina princess Becky had packed herself, as well as everything in every picnic luncheon of every passer by. As magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother consumed innumerable picnic luncheons she grew ever wider and ever heavier, weighing first as much as a cow, then as much as an elephant, and finally as much as a whale! When magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother had consumed every last morsel of food available, she decided that she would consume the source of her misery, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky. Fatefully, when she searched for magical faerie ballerina princess Becky, it turned out that magical faerie ballerina princess Becky had been lured in to the water by some small, yet cute and playful children, leaving the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers behind!

Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother literally jumped (causing a small earthquake due to her extreme girth) at the chance to steal the magical ballerina faerie princess dancing slippers and immediately hastened to fasten the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers to her own feet. This immediately caused magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother to start dancing, though due to the need to make a stealthy getaway, and not wishing to cause anymore earthquakes, magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother started with a perfect moonwalk, the stealthiest of all dances. Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky was no fool, however, and had in fact orchestrated the series of events at the beach in order to preserve her own life. Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky pursued the wicked evil witch stepmother stealthily across the world, with the help of her magical ballerina faerie princess dancing invisible pink unicorn named Latifa, because, as everybody knows, all magical ballerina faerie princess's have magical ballerina faerie princess dancing invisible pink unicorns.

First magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's evil wicked witch stepmother went to England. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky followed stealthily by riding the dancing invisible pink unicorn, Latifa. Once in England magical ballerina faerie princess Becky became fast friends with England's many fantastic magical creatures, but became especially good friends with the other faeries and fauns, whom everybody knows love to dance. The faeries and the fauns were so enchanted by magical ballerina faerie princess Becky's dance and beauty that they gave her a mystical magical tiara, scepter, and tutu; attire fit for a magical ballerina faerie princess in order to help her govern her people once she returned home. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky bade her new friends a cheerful farewell promising to see them again sometime, for she had to leave in order to pursue her thieving wicked evil witch stepmother.

The next place that magical ballerina faerie princess Becky was lead by her wicked evil witch stepmother was to Scotland. Once again magical ballerina faerie princess Becky became fast friends with the indigenous enchanted creatures, but particularly with the leprechauns who also loved to dance. The leprechauns were so entranced by magical ballerina faerie princess Becky's natural ability to dance and overwhelming beauty that they each gave her a piece of real gold, straight from their own pot, one from the end of every rainbow in the world. This was an unprecedented act of generosity, for leprechauns are notoriously greedy and protective of their gold, but magical ballerina faerie princess Becky was able to overcome this greed through a dance that warmed over the hearts of all of the leprechauns. Alas magical ballerina faerie princess Becky had to continue pursuing her wicked evil witch stepmother, and so she bade her new friends farewell again, mounted her dancing invisible pink unicorn Latifa, and set off.

Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother's dancing was out of control, and she danced all the way across the continent into China, where once again due to her unparalleled beauty and grace magical ballerina faerie princess Becky won the hearts of the local magic folk, the dragons. The dragons who, being enchanted by magical ballerina faerie princess Becky's natural ability to dance and overwhelming beauty as well, pledged their allegiance to magical ballerina faerie princess Becky should she ever need an army of dragons to do her will. They even offered to slay the wicked evil witch stepmother, but magical ballerina faerie princess Becky was kind of heart and compassionate towards even her thieving wicked evil witch stepmother and could not stand to give such an order. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky bade the dragons farewell and set off after her wicked evil witch stepmother again, this time somewhat more wearily, for the quest to retrieve her magical ballerina faerie princess dancing slippers had taken her across the world.

Finally magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother danced all the way to New Zealand, where a particularly rambunctious bout of solo slam dancing caused a rock slide, killing magical faerie ballerina princess Becky's wicked evil witch stepmother. Magical faerie ballerina princess Becky mourned the death and called upon the Chinese dragons to help retrieve her wicked evil witch stepmother from the rubble, which with the help of an army of dragons this did not take long at all. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky danced as she collected the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers, as the magical faerie ballerina princess dancing slippers could not be removed except by the one who is dancing. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky then returned to the distant, mystical, far off land of Barrie Ontario where she once again won every dance competition. Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky used the gold from the leprechauns in order to commission the construction of a world class dance academy with the most exquisite ballroom and theater anyone had ever seen, and offered free lessons to all of the little girls of the world who wished to dance as beautifully as the now world famous magical ballerina faerie princess Becky.

As with all good faerie tales, Magical ballerina faerie princess Becky went on to live happily ever after, however unlike most faerie tales she went on to live happily ever after with no mention of any sort of male figure. This is because magical faerie ballerina princess Becky is an independent and non-romantic type of woman who would not want such trivialities spoken of in this particular fairytale. But she did have a dancing invisible pink unicorn named Latifa. The End.

Special thanks to:

The Brothers Grimm, for making stepmothers wicked and witches evil

Princess Tutu, for being a fairytale about a magical ballerina princess

Ferngully: the Last Rainforest, for being about faerie princesses

Fairytales in general, for being awesome

Mom, for making up stories about magical boots for me and ruby slippers for Marlo

Dorothy and the Wizard of Oz, for the original ruby slippers and Galinda

The Victoria Playhouse Petrolia, for putting on a local rendition of Cinderella

Chantelle's mom, for being a whale (but not Chantelle's real mom, because Chantelle's real mom is awesome and we love her)

"Becky", for asking me to make up a story on the spot

If you got this far, you probably liked my story. My boss, Todd (hereafter referred to as "Todd"), wants me to write another story entitled "Harry Potter and the Waterless Urinal". "Todd" is super cool and I think he deserves a story, if you think so to, then let me know and I'll give you a link to paypal me some monies.