The voice calling names was drowned out, and I let myself dive into my memories, beginning with the most recent.
Sunday was bad.
"But church is a waste of our- is a waste of time."
"Drae, I can't get out of it again this week."
"I understand, I just wish-"
Your voice broke then.
"I know, I know. Me too."
I just pretended it was the phone cutting out and not your tears.
Monday through Wednesday was even worse.
We did not speak of Friday at all, just tried desperately to fit years into days. We both knew it didn't work that way though. Our kisses seemed too hurried, our words spoken too quickly.
"I love you, I love you, I-"
"I love you too; I love you so much-"
We spoke between gasps and around our lips.
Thursday, yesterday, was terrible.
We sat in silence for ten minutes after school; the only sound was the car motor.
Finally, you spoke.
"Cal, can we just talk abo-"
"Please, please. It can wait."
You nodded and drove, turning up the volume as I began to cry. You understood; I didn't want to be bothered. But when we lay down in the grass at our favorite park, we wept together. Our arms were wrapped so tightly around one another, as if we could push ourselves together and become one. If only we could.
…Today isn't over yet.
Then I reminisced on the past nine months.
The day drew nearer. We did not speak of it, but there were moments when our eyes met and I knew we both thought of it.
Plans for May were exciting, the reality of it hadn't hit yet. Prom was coming up and we planned to go together, even though it would offend some. We were sick of giving a shit about what they thought. We did go together, and it was fun. You looked amazing when you picked me up, in you tuxedo, handing me a rose. You looked amazing afterwards, when I removed the tuxedo and we made love.
Oh, the month of love. We had plans for Valentine's Day just like any other couple; dinner and an evening under the stars. Camping out that night is one of my best memories. We talked for hours and hours beside the long dead campfire.
January back to September.
The peak of our relationship, with flustered new found love becoming a passionate and serious relationship. We learned every aspect of each other during those months. I had never imagined I would find someone like you so soon but I did. And now I will lose you.
The first moment I saw you is the best memory I have. We were walking in opposite directions. You, with your huge, somewhat sad eyes that immediately had my attention when they caught my gaze. You were beautiful, a creature I had never encountered before. You intimidated me because I was so attracted to you –plus, you were a senior and I a freshman. Then, you asked me my name and all nervousness disappeared. The world became you and I.
So here I am, sitting like I am at a funeral. Everyone else claps and cheers. I try to keep a hold on my emotions. "Cal," My name leaves your lips. You are standing in front of me, eyes filling with tears and a diploma clutched in your hand. I touch your face once, savoring the feel of your skin on mine. "I love you. I will always love you." I say. You choke on your tears. "I love you too Cal." We stand like that for some time, oblivious to the others around us. Then, I become the mature one. I put up the walls we need to help the break be easier –if that is possible. " Live your life," I say, "goodbye, Drae." And then I walk away.