Mood Song: Storm - Lifehouse
(This is probably more of a diary thing… Except I don't write diaries. I just couldn't make this into a poem and writing is the only thing that'll help right now.)
I feel lonely.
As I inhale, my heart cracks.
Exhale and it shatters.
I have a bunch of sticky, but cheap, glue in one hand
and the pieces of me in another.
I glue myself together, a yard sale puzzle.
Pieces go missing but it doesn't really matter.
You got ten for a dollar fifty.
Had me at 'oh this is pretty.'
The pieces look pretty nice, stuck together almost well enough to look whole.
The glue is cheap though and it loosens rather quickly.
Frayed edges on a yard sale puzzle, no doubt missing pieces.
Glue that holds it together no longer sticky enough to hold on.
One by one they drop.
Puzzle pieces lost in the world forever.
Pieces of me scattered throughout this place.
I hide in the one almost corner of my room.
The world wavers with the tears that won't come.
The tears I can't hold in.
I'm shaking and I don't know why.
Everything aches and I'm going crazy in my head.
There's something wrong.
Something, just something.
Terms that sound familiar, mental instabilities that fit so well.
I want this to stop.
This insane cycle of gluing myself back together.
Of looking to find the pieces I lost.
Hard to find something I didn't know existed until it was gone.
I want a smile and a hug and a 'you mean the world to me.'
I want promises that can't be broken and echoes of words with no sting.
I want to feel a day without dark deep blue.
I want to say 'I'm okay' and mean it.
I want to know how it feels to have a perfect day
just because it was so normal.
Normal in the sense that nothing unknown was wrong
and I could smile without a reason
and just be happy.
I wish I was happy.