4.18.12

today is one of those days

when i wonder if i

ran, feet pounding,

jumped, arms flapping,

i would fly away.

today is one of those days

when the too-real feeling

of time running out

hounds me.

running, flying.

running out. running away.

i have so little time.

weeks, now, i feel.

maybe less.

at the same time, i'm preparing

to stop cutting, to be clean,

and to cut deeper and deeper.

to kill myself.

my life is running out,

fleeing me, flying away.

i'm not sure how much life

i have left.

how much time.

i don't want to die,

but maybe i must.

maybe something happens

when i die.

maybe the reason i have no purpose,

no real aspirations,

is because i'm only here to die,

i don't think i want to die.

i'm starting to appreciate life.

i think.

i want to fly away on the wind.

i want to be infinite, eternal.

i have never wanted to die,

just to be free.

life is bondage,

(and not the fun kind)

slavery,

chains around my wrists and ankles.

life is scarred arms, legs, hips, body.

writing down everything i eat.

hating myself.

mood swings and personality changes.

life is not happy.

maybe death is.

the time you've got me running the time you've got me tired well I've got more for the world than this and I've got love that I need to give and I've got more for the world than this and I've got love that I need to give -Time Running, Tegan and Sara