The (Uncensored) Overly-Satirical Teenage Guide to Successful Text Messaging

For all teens who want a successful teenage life!

Rule #1: use the shortened letter and/or word for a longer word, but make sure 2 attempt 2 decipher and infer the definition for letters or numbers that can represent the meaning of more than 1 word

Example: "u" = "you"

Example: "2" = "to" or "two" or even "too"

omg I luv u 2 (too)

u 2 make a great couple (two)

im going 2 a party 2 drink beer and do fun shit (to)

Example: "omg" = "oh my god"

Rule #2: dont use any punctuation becuz the proper way 2 write sentences isnt proper in the teenage world so showing a lack of cohesive punctuation means that u r fitting in just fine

Example: "I luv u ur an amazing bf"

Example: "that dress is like so in i want it like so bad"

Rule #3: dont capitalize words cuz apparentely capitalizing words in the teen world takes 2 much time and it just isnt worth the text messaging so please keep everything in lower case, even if it is a one word statement (the only exception is XD)

Example: "i" = "I"

Example: "im" = "I'm"

Example: "Justin Beiber" = "justin beiber"

Rule #4: use pictures 2 say things becuz pictures r cooler 2 tell ur emotions than words and theyre just soooooo totally fun 2 make basically rather than write out the words u have to navigate throughout the keyboard 2 find the symbols because it is better 2 spend time looking cool while texting than 2 actually write out the words quickly

Example: ":D" = happy; ":)" = happy; "=)" = happy; "=D" = happy (i think u get the idea)

Example: ":( " = sad

Example: "3" = a heart for love (aww)

Example: ";)" = wink maybe? ive seen it so it means sumthing lol

Example: "O.o" = it means… sumthing…

Rule #5: don't try 2 make sense becuz acting literate just isnt cool and its better to text the same thing 3 times than it is to text a literate message that makes sense :)


Person 1: "omg ikr"

Person 2: "wut?"

Person 1: "omg ikr"

Person 2: "wut does that mean"

Person 1: " 'omg' = oh my god"

Person 2: "no I meant ikr"

Person 1: " 'ikr'= i know right"

Person 2: "oh lol :D"

Rule #6: if u r sitting next 2 your best friend and u both have cell phones, then it is better 2 text than 2 talk because texting is just so much cooler

Rule #7: spell check is wrong

Rule #8: the clearer the meaning is, the less cool u r

Rule #9: make sure whatever u text is either personal, gossip that will trash someone else's reputation, or sumthing uncensored that ur parents shouldnt know about, if not then its not worth texting

Rule #10: text your bf or gf every 5 minutes or else they'll break up wit u

Rule #11: when breaking up wit your bf or gf, make sure u do it through text messaging or facebook becuz it just isn't proper 2 talk 2 faces

Rule #12: after u break up wit ur bf or gf make sure 2 text someone else u r interested in so that u can have another relationship that wont last longer than an hour

Rule #13: add swears in for more emphasis, particularly fuck, becuz it clearly makes ur speech far more effective

"lmao" =laughing my ass off

"lmfao" =laughing my fucking ass off

Rule #14: if u dont text at least 1 person within an hour u will lose all oxygen and die

Common Text Speech

i = I

omg= oh my god

brb= be right back

lol= laugh out loud

rofl= rolling on the floor laughing (does anyone actually do this?)

lmao= laughing my ass off (u mean ur ass actually falls off while laughing? omg)

lmfao= laughing my fucking ass off (see rule #13)

roflmao: rolling on the floor laughing my ass off

ikr= I know right

o= oh; o:= oh

wit= with (this one might just be a misspelling, but who cares it fits)

luv= love

sumthing= something

XD= smiles

g2g= got to go

l8er= later

ya= yeah

Rule #15: if your hands get tired from chronic texting, please resort 2 Facebook chat instead