I stand up quickly, moving away from the man with a drop of giants blood in his system. I move away to under the large weeping willow tree, under it's leaves and vines. My hands are clenched at my sides while I glare ahead, pure anger and frustration emitting from my very body, no matter how small it may seem to be. And like he always does he follows me under the cover, the night sky only slightly visible from under the tree.
"You know... she was right." I turn to him, glare with pure hatred for the man, "Your first 'love' was completely right. You are nothing but an ogre."
I knew my words would hurt him. I knew they would cut through him and tear at his heart. But what I did not know was that he would turn out to be angry with this. I thought he would just go silent and insist after a moment that he is nothing more than a man with a bit of giants blood in his body. But he got mad.
He rushed at me, my blue eye and green eye widening, not expecting that expression to be on his face. His large hands take my shoulders and he pushes me against the tree. His eyes glare into mine a moment but quickly his lips cover mind instead, making my heart jump and my stomach to churn. I try to fight away from him but instead he takes both of my wrists with one hand, easily, and pins me against the tree while his hand works on roughly ravishing my body.
"nn-" I pull my lips away from his for a moment, "JACK! STOP!"
He roughly kisses my lips again, prying them open and Frenching me, my knees growing weak, and I do the only thing I can think of to do. I bite his tongue, hard. He pulls away from me and covers his mouth, a bit of blood already trailing down from the corner of his mouth. I stare at him, having no idea he could do anything like this. He was always so good at restraining himself. He glares at me a moment, spits some blood down and wipes his mouth.
I slide down to the ground and stare at him, not even sure if it's fear that has found its way into my heart. My chest heaves, lungs taking in air that feels cold and stale. He sits down as well, keeping an eye on me like he always has, but clearly I've damaged something. I feel guilty, even though I knew what I was doing.
I should be free soon. He should stop looking after me after this. He'll pawn me off to Kei or someone and just work hard at rebuilding the capital and he won't have to see me again. That's why I said it. That's why I made him hurt. But I wish I didn't feel so guilty.
I finally calm down, less tense than before and I stare at the ground, not even sure what I'm thinking anymore. Thoughts swirling together like a bunch of colors that just doesn't make sense. But when he speaks again my anger just shoots right back up again. I don't even know a time when I'm not mad at him.
"Lass, I forgive ye." His voice that sounds sweet and rough makes me want to cry.
"NO." I shake my head, "DON'T!"
"... Lass..." He says, sighing a bit.
"YOU CAN'T JUST FORGIVE ME! THAT ISN'T FAIR!" My cheeks burn with shame, an embarrassment doubling with it.
"Lass, I do."
"DON'T SAY THAT!"
"Why can' I forgive ye? Why is tha' wrong?" His eyes shine with confusion, no more anger for him, which just makes me hate him more.
"Because if you don't forgive me I can be pawned off onto someone else. You'll go away and hate me and leave me ALONE." I close my eyes tightly, gripping the grass below.
"..." He remains silent then he crawls over to me.
His large hand raises itself to my cheek and he forces me to look at him. I look at his eyes, the window to the soul, and I can't find anything else but a warm heart filled with love. But I close my eyes before I see who for. I don't want to know. His lips gently press against mine while a tear rolls down my cheek. He pulls away and I pull in a stuttered breath, looking at him again, prickles of sadness covering my body. His lips smile gently and he wipes away my tear.
"I... I don't understand." My lips tremble, my voice wavering, my eyes shine with confusion, but it's obvious I don't want to know.
"Lass, I've told ye before. I care abou' ye." That smile just seems to grow as he says it, as if it were a magic word that made who ever say it smile.
"No... don't say that! I will NEVER love you!" I bring my hands up to my face to cover my tears, but that doesn't stop him from being able to hear my sob.
"I will nay stop. I will say I' as many times as I ha'e to." He removes my hands from my face and stares at me into my two, differently colored eyes. "I care abou' ye. I can almos' call I' LOVE."
It hits my heart strings and I continue to cry and blubber at him to stop saying that. But he keeps a tight hold on my wrists and continues to say it. And soon... 'care' did become 'love'. And he kept saying it over and over and over and over again. And it hurt every time he said it because I will never be able to return the feelings. I know who I love. And I know I will never see him again. But he is my soul mate. And I will not let my heart try to change just because Jack tells me he 'loves' me.
I love Carth. I always have. I always will. And I am never going to love another. No matter what they tell me and no matter how caring they might be. I am going to live the rest of my pathetic life alone, away from people, and away from him. I don't want this. I want to be home. I want to be with the man I love. But that will never happen. I'm trapped in a world without him. And without the feeling of love.