22 April 2012

So, I have decided that I'm going to post a public diary, because I'm that weird. It'll probably just be me ranting about stuff that happened that day. I may try to do this daily to keep me in the writing mood. Kind of like practicing piano, doing scales or random stuff is better than never playing at all.

It's 1:50 am and I went to bed around 10:30ish. I haven't slept a second. I ran out of Melatonin tonight and I'm a slight insomniac, but I mainly can't sleep because I'm psychologically dependent on the meds to sleep. Or that's my theory, anyway.

I should probably work on my essay that's due today, but I can't. I don't know what to do. :P Oh, I never really introduced myself!

I'm Rebecca Louise and I'm 16 years old. I love to write, read, and sing. My favorite color is purple and I have social anxiety in a really weird way. It doesn't make sense. Sometimes I can be really social and talkative, but other times I'm afraid to even speak. It's weird. I'm bisexual and I wouldn't say I like one sex more than the other, but I go through phases of liking one more, or not at all. It depends on how I wake up. I went through, like, a year of being more lesbian than bi or straight. I'm a virgin and proud, but I've only had one "significant other" ever in my life: a girlfriend that lasted for five minutes. . It was weird.

I don't really like normal people. They tend to annoy me a lot. I prefer the ones who you can be a freak around and when they tell you you're weird, it's a compliment. My family is very religious (not to say I'm not; I am definitely a Christian) and very conservative. I am out about my sexuality at school, but my family doesn't know, and neither does my church family. I can't even imagine how they'd react. I try to avoid the subject of homosexuality in general with them. They can be mean. Unfortunately I am going to be forced back into the closet in a couple years because I will be attending the college that my sister goes to. One time she said to me, "Don't talk to gay people, Becca" and in my head I was telling her off. . I hate it when Christians can overlook other sins and tell people that God still loves them, like if it's stealing or something, but when it comes to homosexuality they make their fingers into a cross and close the church doors as if one gay man or woman would burn the church to the ground. GOD DOES NOT HATE FAGS. IF GOD WERE TO HATE HOMOSEXUALS, HE WOULD NOT BE GOD. GOD IS LOVE AND LOVE HAS NO ROOM FOR HATRED. Sorry. Stepping off the soapbox now.

So, currently I am eating apple slices and caramel. Funny. When I type the word caramel, I say it like care-uh-mel, but when I speak I say car-muhl. I guess that makes as much sense as saying Wed-nes-day in your head… I really want to eat this caramel with just a spoon. It's THAT good. And these apples aren't that great.

Ember: What are you doing up? It's past two!

Me: Shh! You'll wake the rest of them!

Nathan: No, we're already awake. We always wake up when you write. Duh.

Me: Why? This is just a diary entry… This has nothing to do with your story.

Quinn: First the stupid essay, and now this? You never write anything and when you finally do you add all these other projects in to confuse us? You are the worst host-brain ever.

Me: Shut up. You'll just have to learn when I'm writing for you and when I'm not.

Chase: You're really going to post a PUBLIC diary?

Me: Yes. Now go back to sleep. All of you. I'll try and write for y'all tomorrow.

Sorry… They're from The Italian Boy. They live in my head until I finish with them. Sometimes they interrupt me… Ember does have a point though. I should try to sleep now. :/

This won't count as my April 23rd post. Promise. Maybe.