Here I am, in my apartment, sitting in darkness and thinking about what just happened... About what I've turned into because of you. About what you did to me and my Mom. Why did you have to hurt us? Why did you have to curse me? It's your fault that I can't be with anyone, because I'll only end up hurting them. That's all I've ever done. You're who I had to grow up with and you taught me all the wrong things... I can't control myself anymore. It's only gotten worse through the years. The older I get the more I become like you... Last night I got into fight with Debbie and you know what I did? Do you know what I fucking did? I grabbed her throat and choked her. I yelled at her... She cried... She begged me to stop, but it only made me want to tighten my hands. I was about to hit her... But at that moment her son came in and I saw it. I saw myself. A scared, young kid who just happened to walk in on a man hurting his Mom. The kid, Steve, had an idea of what was going on, but Debbie wiggled out from under me and went to tell the kid that everything was alright and we were just playing around.
When she got back she sat in the corner and cried. After a while of just sitting on her bed listening to her cry, remembering how I could hear my Mom's faint sobs from my room and how you always called her weak and pathetic, I tried to leave, but she rushed from her corner and took my hand. She said "I know you don't mean to do it. I can see it in your eyes that seeing what you did is tearing at your heart. I don't want you to leave. We can fix this. Together we can make this better. I love you, Eric... Please don't go..."
I take her into my arms. "I'm sorry, but I can't keep hurting you... Especially since Steve just saw it. I can't do what my Dad did to me to your son. I'd rather live alone for the rest of my life than hurt either of you..." I said, my eyes starting to water. "And nothing can fix what I've become... What I'll always be. A monster." She shakes her head, trying as hard as she can to convince herself that it's not true. That one day she'll wake up and everything will be perfect. I remember all the mornings I spent hoping the exact same thing and all the nights I spent sitting in the corner listening to the cries of pain coming from the lips of a slowly dying woman, whose only hope for peace was her death. "You know... You know that it'll never happen... You have to think about your son. You'll meet someone else. Someone better." I said, lifting her head with my fingers so I can see her eyes, which are bloodshot and puffy. "I love you, Debbie... That's why I have to leave." I kissed her one last time and then I came here.
It took me this long to realize this, but I've finally figured out why I'm like this, why my fate has led me here. Through this life. Some people have rich parents and don't have to worry about anything. Others have the average parents and they usually turn out like them and they live a happy life... And then there are people like me who grew up with an abusive parent. We all turn out just like our parents, either our Mom or Dad, and I was unfortunate to end up like my Dad... Well, I'm not going to do what he did. I'm not going to live the life he did... I'm not going to live a life. My lesson going through this was sometimes you must make the ultimate sacrifice so you don't hurt the people you care about. If you really love someone then you have to be willing to give your life and I'm going to do that.
That's why I'm better than you, Dad. I grew up into a man and you didn't.
A/N: I do not condone suicide and any relativity to any real life event is purely coincidental and not intended.