Magical Trees

Once upon a time, there was an evil wizard named Kevin who lived in a tall dark castle in the middle of nowhere. Kevin loved to see people suffer, so for fun he likes to trip people, egg peoples' houses, destroy property, and set fire to buildings. Amazingly the police never caught him, even though for a sport he steals peoples' wallets and run.

One day while setting up an electric fence around his castle, the wizard heard a strange noise from the forest at his left. Kevin tried to ignore it, but the weird growling sound was annoying the heck out of him so he got his magic wand out of his pocket and walked quickly to the source of the sound to kill it.

He came to an old pine tree in the middle of the forest. Kevin was confused. Why was there a growling noise coming from a tree?

"I'm a magic tree, Kevin," said the tree. Kevin stood there in shock with his mouth hanging open for about a minute. Then he remembered his wand. "Die, talking tree!", yelled the wizard. He expected the tree to explode or something, but nothing happened, and the tree just stood, staring at Kevin. "Stupid Kevin", said the tree. "Wizards don't exist. You're just being delusional."

"Delusional?" asked Kevin. "Then I'm probably hallucinating!"

"No you're not." Then the tree ate him. His stomach stopped growling.