Chapter one

Protein shakes and thigh warmers

My name is Ms. Amanda Fitts. I am 32. I live by myself, I have 10 cats; Caramello, Bubbles, Mint, Dream, Dark, Old Gold, Peppermint, Mousse, and Duo who counts as two cats because my friends and i think he has MPD. I am once again jobless which is the main reason this whole thing started.

I can never hold down a job, i have applied for 40, had 10 and lost all of them. Now don't get me wrong it is never my fault... Well it kind of is but that's not the point. My friend Susie is amazing, she has all of those star qualities that you want a friend to have; funny, kind, caring, and compassionate, but she is the reason I lose all these jobs. We apply to them together we are the ultimate duo, but the ultimate duo have never worked in one place for more than a month. She practically lives at my place, she always orders us take outs while she is there but it doesn't help our weight problems.

So that is my life, the only thing funny about it is how tragic it is, especially what happened two weeks ago, so sit back and prepare with a sick bucket and a person to pat you on the back because it is about to get ugly...

'Mandy! Duo did an oopsie on your bed!' Susie yelled down the stairs. 'Again? Where is he? I swear if he-' I was cut off though because as I said it there was a knock at the door. I went to answer it. There was a man at the door, he had a large parcel in his hands. 'Here is your large order of protein shakes you ordered.' He said. 'I think you have the wrong address' I said 'Because I didn't order any protein shakes.' He tilted his head at me. 'Are you sure they said this package was for Amanda Fitts on Number 45 Hallsway Ave.' At that moment Susie ran down the stairs. 'Hi' she said pushing me out of the door way 'I am Amanda Fitts.' She pulled out my credit card and paid for the protein shakes.

When the man left I turned to Susie as my face went a bright purple colour. I had images of myself shoving her stupid shake packets down her throat. A wide grin spread across my face. 'Mandy your scaring me... What are you?' I turned back to reality and sat her down on the couch to start her interrogation.

'Have you been using my credit card to buy your stupid weight loss gear?' I asked. Of course she denied it all. So I started yelling. The door was nearly knocked down by an iron fist banging on it. I opened the door and a tall very muscular woman was standing there. 'Are you Ms. Fitts?' she asked pulling out a parcel from her bag. 'Yes I-' I started. The woman shoved a clipboard into my hands. 'Sign here, here, here, and here,' she said, pointing out the places where my name should go. 'I really-' I tried to explain but she interjected 'Just sign the damn paper lady, I have to get home to feed five kids and no one to look after them. Make it easier for you and for me and sign the paper!'

I signed then she gave me the parcel and headed to her van. A cloud of black smoke came out of the back and she drove off like I was running after her.

As soon as I turned around, even more purple than before, I said to Susie 'What is this?' 'It's another weight loss scheme that is storming the nation. They say you can watch TV, or text and other stuff and this baby will help you lose weight.' She explained like she was selling me the item. 'But what is it?' I asked again looking at her. 'They're thigh warmers!'