Chapter Six

Dawn was going to Arianna's house after school. It was decided. Arianna had asked her in the hallway, just before lunch, and in German class, with Arianna pestering her, she had agreed. She didn't want to go, though she wished she did want that. She and Arianna had become friends slowly over the past few weeks. Arianna had kept helping Dawn study and she was a constant irritant to Samantha and even though she sometimes still needled Dawn, she was a friend now. It would be nice to want to go to her house, to hang out for a few hours in a Samantha free zone, to be normal.

But Arianna's house was not Arianna's house. It didn't matter if she and Ms. Hattie lived there for a thousand years or if they bulldozed the whole thing and built a new house. It was Ben's house. It had always been and always would be. The walk across the street was the same short trip she'd taken to Ben's house a million times. The house belonged to the Kents', to Ben, that couldn't possibly change.

"You might as well get over with," Arianna said in German class, as they took their seats. "You're going to have to come over eventually."

"I don't have to," Dawn replied awkwardly, frowning.

"Of course you do." Arianna twitched an eyebrow in amusement. "You know, we're friends, butch, and friends hang out."

Dawn briefly considered if Arianna's friendship was worth going to the house. Arianna was right but there was a loophole: if they weren't friends, then Dawn wouldn't have to go. But Arianna was the only person who didn't seem terrified talking to Dawn about Ben and so her friendship was, at least in that regard, invaluable.

"You don't have to come over now if you're not… if you're not—if you don't want to. But I think it'd be okay."

"You just don't want to be around Samantha," Dawn teased, hoping to buy a few moments. She busied her hands, which were shaking, shuffling through the papers in her folder for her homework.

"Samantha?" Arianna grinned cockily. "I love little Miss Perfect. She's easier to wind up than you are."

Dawn couldn't help but smile at the mischievous glint in Arianna's eyes. That glint was always there, but sometimes Dawn thought it shown brighter than any star.

After a moment, the glint faded and was replaced by a more meaningful look, the rare flicker of sincerity and understanding that Arianna got when they talked about important things. "Seriously though, Dawn, it's up to you."

Arianna called her by her real name so seldom that it always sort of surprised Dawn to hear it. She met Arianna's gaze and nodded. "I'll try."

Arianna grinned and socked her shoulder gently. "That's all anyone can do, butch."

Dawn looked back to her papers, focusing on her homework again, instead of the growing feeling of dread spreading in her stomach. While she was looking down, Trevor—the boy Arianna liked—approached their desks and took the empty seat on the other side of Arianna. Trevor had started sitting near them after Arianna had struck up a flirtation with him a few weeks ago when Herr Patterson paired them for some group work.

Dawn resented the intrusion that was Trevor's presence. She had felt brushed aside when Arianna was only making eyes at him and those feelings were now amplified. When Trevor sat with them, Arianna talked mainly to him. Dawn comforted herself with the knowledge that she got Arianna to herself most days after school. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Arianna grasp Trevor's hand for a second as she laughed at a joke he told. Her chest tightened with jealousy.

Dawn's feelings towards Arianna confused her. She hadn't even liked the girl when they first met and sometimes, even now, she still wasn't sure how much she liked her. But she felt connected to Arianna, in a way that was as strong as it was unfamiliar. It was like a magnet; no matter how much Arianna teased her or ignored her for boys, she still wanted to be around her. And when Arianna wasn't doing those things, when Arianna was being kind and funny and listening to her, Dawn wanted their time together to last forever. These feelings were too strong, Dawn knew, for just any friendship and it didn't feel like best friends either. She knew how best friends felt, after all, she and Ben had best friends. This was different.

#

After school, Samantha picked both of them up and on the drive home, Dawn told Samantha she was going over to Arianna's to study.

"Will there be adult supervision?" Samantha asked primly, glancing up to the rearview mirror to look at the girls in the backseat. Neither had elected to sit in front with Samantha.

"Probably," Arianna said, snapping the gum she was chewing. "Grandma's usually around."

"If Arianna's grandmother is home, you may go over to her house," Samantha told Dawn. "And I'd like you to have a snack before you go over."

"We've got food at my house," Arianna replied. "Geez, it's not like she's going to the moon."

"It's just across the street," Dawn broke in. "I promise I'll eat something at Arianna's."

"Your parents don't want you to eat junk food, Dawn," Samantha chastised. They were driving up the hill to the subdivision.

"I promise I'll eat something healthy at Arianna's," Dawn amended the previous vow.

"You can even smell her breath for cookies and check her fingernails for potato chip grease when she gets home," Arianna quipped, rolling her eyes.

"I don't need the attitude," Samantha snapped. She was getting better at not taking the bait from Arianna but it was always clear that the teen grated her nerves.

"I was just trying to be constructive," Arianna replied, feigning innocence.

Samantha gritted her teeth and parked the car in Dawn's driveway. The girls hopped out of the backseat.

As they started to cross the street, Samantha called after them. "Call me when you get inside to confirm Arianna's grandmother is home."

"As if, control freak," Arianna muttered, now that they were out of Samantha's hearing. Dawn smiled slightly, the way she always did when she got to share some of Arianna's rebelliousness by association.

Her smile faded when they reached the front door. The giant door knocker, the one shaped like a Greek god of some sort, was still affixed to the entrance. Dawn looked away as Arianna shoved a key in the front door and opened it.

The house smelled differently, at least the entryway did. There was a strong, artificial smell of air-freshener, some overpowering cinnamon scent and the apartment smelled of fresh paint. Arianna took off the light jean jacket she was wearing and hung it on a coat rack by the door.

"Grandma?" Arianna called. There was no reply. Arianna shrugged. "Sorry, Samantha."

Dawn snickered slightly. She glanced at a phone on the wall and knew Arianna would tease her if she called Samantha.

"Do you want a snack?" Arianna offered. They headed up a short flight of stairs that led from the entryway to the main floor and took a right into the kitchen.

"I'm not hungry," Dawn said. Her stomach was churning with emotions.

"At least grab a glass of water," Arianna told her, in a voice that was friendly but commanding. Arianna reached into a jar shaped like an owl and pulled out a few cookies. Dawn thought of Mrs. Kent and her glass dome of baked goods.

"Okay," Dawn agreed and she walked over to the sink and opened the cabinet above it. The cabinet, which had been filled with cups when Ben's family lived there, was filled with bags of flour and sugar.

"The glasses are in the next cupboard over," Arianna instructed.

Dawn nodded numbly and opened the correct cabinet. She felt like she was in an odd dream, one where everything was just slightly off balance, like coming to English class with her biology homework.

"Do you want to go up to my room?" Arianna asked.

Dawn nodded again. She didn't inquire which room was Arianna's. If it was Ben's old room, she didn't know what she'd do. How could they hang out in that tomb? She thought of the last time she was there, standing with Mrs. Kent, and how she had vomited afterwards. Her stomach heaved slightly, reminding her that was still a possibility.

They crossed the living room to the staircase. Most of the rooms had been painted and the furniture was all Ms. Hattie's, but it didn't look different to Dawn. The carpet was worn in the same places and the layout was unaltered. It was just as if the Kents had remodeled. It was still their home. It always would be.

Arianna led her up the stairs and to Dawn's relief, the room she went towards was not Ben's; when the Kents had lived here, it was their guest room. It could be Arianna's room, Dawn decided. That was allowable.

The room had been painted recently, a loud shade of yellow, and posters of bands Dawn didn't recognize hung on every wall. Arianna flopped down on her bed, lying back on the zebra-striped comforter. Dawn sat down on a purple papasan chair that was jammed between the foot of the bed and the dresser. This room was uniquely Arianna; it looked nothing like the Kents' tastes. The Kents had painted this room a blue so pale it almost looked white and it housed a bedroom set for guests and the treadmill Mrs. Kent said she needed to use more, despite having always been trim.

Arianna rolled over to hit the power button on the stereo she had on her bedside table. Music poured out at a decibel level Dawn's parents would have found objectionable.

"I love this jam!" Arianna cried excitedly, swaying her arms and snapping her fingers in her reclined position.

"I don't know it," Dawn commented. She didn't mind it, it had a nice beat, but she was unable to distinguish it from any other pop hit she heard in the car.

"You don't know a lot of things, butch," Arianna replied. She sat up and turned her body so she could lean against her wall. "It's more than German that I need to educate you about."

"You're so nice to take an interest in a hopeless case like me," Dawn quipped back, rolling her eyes but smiling.

Arianna grinned widely, showing Dawn all her teeth. It was a great smile. "I'm a saint."

Arianna's grin filled Dawn with such a feeling of happiness that she had to look away. She glanced over at the dresser. There was a picture of Arianna standing with a uniformed man. "Is that your dad?"

Arianna nodded. "That was taken last year, before they sent him overseas."

"Tell me about him."

"He's in the army." Arianna shrugged. "He's a captain in that picture, but he's a major now."

"I didn't ask about his job," Dawn replied. "Tell me what he's like."

"He's nice." Arianna shrugged again. "I don't know what else to say. He's my dad. He's nice."
"Do you miss him?"

Arianna gave her a cross look. "Duh."

Dawn smiled sheepishly. "Sorry."

"It's okay." Arianna waved a hand dismissively. "We're not really close, he works a lot, but he is my dad. And when we do get to hang out, he's really solid. And he's pretty cool about it when I fuck up, unless it's schoolwork. But as long as my grades are good, he's never really cared what I did. He almost seems to think it's funny when I act out."

"Is he funny?"

"I guess." The shrug came back. "Why are you asking all of this, butch?"

"I'm just curious," Dawn said, with a hint of defensiveness. "We talk about me all the time, I barely know anything about you. You know way more about me than I know about you."

Arianna nodded slowly, then jumped off her bed, walking over to her bookcase. She bent over it, looking for a book. When she did, her shirt rode up slightly, exposing the small of her back. Dawn couldn't stop looking at it, her eyes locked on the slight indent in her back, the glimpse of how her hips curved under clothes, the wonder that this part of her was a slightly lighter brown than the rich tones of her arms and face.

Arianna pulled out an album and turned around. Noticing the intensity of Dawn's gaze, she blushed slightly, as if she knew that Dawn had been studying her. She returned to her bed, sitting against the wall again, and patted the spot beside her. Dawn moved onto the bed.

Arianna opened the album and turned it to a dog-eared page. There was a picture of a beautiful woman, an older woman with Arianna's wide grin. Dawn could see she had the same big, brown eyes Arianna had too, although hers were gentler, lacking Arianna's impishness.

"That's my mom," Arianna said.

"She's beautiful," Dawn said truthfully. "She looks just like you."

"Aw, butch," Arianna faked an affected tone. "Does that mean you think I'm beautiful?"

A deep red flush covered Dawn's cheeks. "I mean, uh, I guess?"

Arianna laughed and flipped the page. "This is my parents when they first met."

Dawn could see the similarities between the two young people in the photo and the pictures she'd just seen. They were both wearing military uniforms and posed together. "Your mom was in the army too?"

Arianna nodded. She was quiet for a moment and then, in a strangled tone, added, "It's why she's dead."

Dawn gave Arianna a concerned look, but Arianna looked straight ahead instead of returning the gaze. "You don't need to show me this stuff if you don't want to."

"No, it's okay," Arianna said and, after a moment, she turned to look at Dawn. "I like you, Dawn."

She reached over and quickly grabbed Dawn's hand, the exact same way she had grabbed Trevor's in class.

Dawn smiled and her heart pounded in her chest, thumping along to the beat of Arianna's too-loud music. "I like you too, Arianna."

They looked at one another for a long moment and the Arianna reached up and touched Dawn's short, black bangs. "Have you ever thought of spiking your hair?"

"I don't think about my hair much."

"It'd look pretty bomb."

Arianna didn't move her hand away from Dawn's hair, instead she moved her fingers slowly, brushing Dawn's bangs back and forth. They stared at each other, eyes locked, for what seemed like minutes.

Suddenly the door bell rang and they jumped apart, as if they'd been caught doing something wrong.

#

It was Samantha at the door, annoyed that Dawn hadn't followed her instructions to call her when she was in the house, and furious to find Ms. Hattie wasn't home. Arianna's lie that her grandmother had just stepped out for a short walk did not calm Samantha, who marched Dawn across the street. She angrily lectured Dawn about respect and reminded her that Dawn's parents entrusted Samantha with her care and that she needed to listen to her. Dawn stayed silent, hoping she appeared more contrite than apathetic.

Once home, Samantha ordered Dawn to her room, telling her she'd be allowed down when her parents were home. Dawn took the stairs two at a time, eager to be away from Samantha. She also felt almost grateful to be away from Arianna. She wasn't certain what had happened in Arianna's room, what the moment they had shared was, but it confused and frightened her. It excited her too. Her heart was still pounding and her hands shook.

Sitting down at her computer, she tried to write it off as just being about Arianna's mom, about a new friendship, about both having loved people who died. But as much as she tried to convince herself of it, she knew it wasn't that. She knew it wasn't about sharing the heartache and loss they both felt, because when she and Arianna had been staring at one another, when Arianna had so gently brushed her bangs, she hadn't once thought about Ben.

Dawn opened the internet on her computer and navigated to a search engine. She'd done a few web searches since she'd gotten the machine, typing in unimportant trivia in the textbox—she had spent a few hours the other day reading about vampires and mummies—but this time she knew exactly what she wanted WebCrawler to find. She briefly thought about her parents' prohibition against searching for inappropriate sexual content and decided this was different. This wasn't about sex.

In the textbox, she typed the word "lesbian" and hit search.