this was it.
she was free and all
those cheesy metaphors would stop
running through her head
and bleeding onto paper.
this was what she wanted,
what she spent her childhood hold—
—ing onto, because she could hide behind it,
she could drown herself in self-pity
and blame sleepeless nights on others.
it was supposed to get easier.
this was what twisted relationships
and fights in the palm of her hand.
this freedom was supposed to welcome her,
to give all the peace and love and any—
—thing she could ever hope for.
but she knew it wasnt supposed to be like this,
all darkened corners and depressing music,
it reminded her too much of saturdays in her room.
she knew it changed though, and her
heart just sunk to the floor slowly
because the realization that there was no(one)
laughter past her door, no light trying to creep in,
it was complete and utter darkness,
it was loneliness and abandonment revealed.
but she never wanted this, she wanted,
yes needed this freedom, it was the only
thing her hands grasped onto when she fell.
this wasnt how she wanted it no
freedom wasnt supposed to be loneliness,
yet the darkness and her thoughts confirmed it.
she was free and it was what she wanted,
and that was that.

4/27/12