Falling in love with you was a mistake. A beautiful mistake, but still a mistake nonetheless.
I'd say I regret, but I won't.
Falling in love with you might have been a mistake. I tripped over and stumble into a deep, endless hole that you dug; that was my biggest mistake. I wish I had grabbed any rope that could have saved me from you, from falling into you, from falling into your deadly snare. I got caught, and I should've run away.
You'd think I'd regret, but I don't.
Because the more I think about it, the more I realize I was happy with you. You got me smiling, you kept me safe and sound, even after all the pain we'd gone through together. You took care of those scratches and cuts and bruises all over my body that I got when I was falling, and falling, and falling. You treated me like you weren't even trying to. All you did was stare into my dull eyes with your bright brown ones and offer me a half-smile and take my hand in yours and swipe your thumb along my palm lines, and the rest of the world disappears.
When you told me I was yours and you were mine forever and ever and ever, I didn't feel any fears. I couldn't, even though I had many reasons to.
But I didn't. because I wasn't afraid of us and what we'd become.
You were my hope. You were the two loaves of bread that I needed when I was almost starved to death. You were the bright, yellow dandelion, a promise that life can go on and someday everything will be good again; that even the bad things would stop hurting. You were the spark that ignited the fire in me, the flames that burned me alive, that licked me from my head down to my toe, and yet you were like an extinguisher that ceased the fire when you held my hand with yours again and made me feel safe. You were somehow the fire and the ice of my life, and up until now I don't understand how it's even possible.
You were black and white and dark and bright and hot and cold and right and wrong and close yet so far away… And I didn't know what to do with or without you. I couldn't find a way to get used to the sensation that ran down spine every time you were around. My mind was foggy and everything was blurred; I couldn't think straight, I didn't know what I was feeling—or maybe I knew but I couldn't or didn't want to understand.
You burned me alive and then you threw cold water all over me, and what was left of me was ashes and smokes. But then you brought me back to life and then you burned me and did it again, and again, and again, and I was so tired of it, yet I was still longing for your burning touch as it started to replay the routines.
You were unexpected, and it wasn't necessarily a bad thing but that wasn't what I wanted. I didn't will for unexpectancy; I needed something constant and permanent in my life and it wasn't you who could provide me what I needed. You couldn't fill the holes in me and yet I still do need you for you, and once again you're making me burst into flames.
And even after your fire burns down the bridge that connected our hearts, you are still the same boy who was oblivious to the world. A boy who didn't even realize he was catching fire. A boy who didn't know what he was tearing down. And you are still the same little boy I had fallen in love with.
And I never wanted us to change.
After all, maybe no one could've saved me, not even you, from falling down into the that hole that you called love. Maybe I couldn't catch the rope that might've prevented me from falling down and down and down and down; but that was the point. Maybe I didn't need to be saved.
I wanted to be on fire, along with you, together standing in the middle of flames we created.
Because us, together, we're unstoppable.
p.s: unexpectancyisn't a word. i just made it up because... because i don't know, because it sounds cool, hehe. oh and you might've caught some-well, a lot-of reference to The Hunger Games book; like, loaves of breads, dandelions, fires, flames, sparks, catching fire, blah blah blah-i guess i read way too many THG fics but, eh, they made me feel a little bit more poetic [and some sort of exaggerating, i guess]. apologies for any typos or grammatical errors.
this one sounds sorta weird and... i don't know (idk what I was thinking when i wrote this…)… but reviews are appreciated:)