I miss Josh

brown eyes blue skies dreaming of an eternal love
love
loveliness
the men i've come to know in the tumblrstake
sister jones
the children in nursery
the bedenbaughs
missionaries
bishop's love for me
for us

us
what is us
u.s. united states
united we were, states
statements of love stated
us
us
what am i without us

i am tired cold allergic
burning up about to heat to death
suicidal fragile broken everything i
i i i
central to progression of someone
anyone?
out there,

they dance
and i paint
and in our hearts
we sing we sing

some sing for Jesus
some sing for nightmares
some sing to release the pain
find their own in diaries of
maybe not janes but someone anyones

living in pretty how towns,
floating in so many up bells
falling rightside down, chains
breaking off defying

gravity
what is gravity
but space and stars
planets

the music of the planets
it is powerful, it is majestic
it is silent

silent as i wish my mind would be
as still as i wish my heart quit beating
i'm so tired
night terrors

dreams