"Silentium Absentis"*
10/28/11

Posted as part of Project 365 - for the day: May 2, 2012


And after all this time, the truth comes out.
I'm sorry, I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I know I let it show once before:
I got scolded and scorned;
and I have been so spurned;
but I cannot hide it away. It's coming out.

I let it show before, then I hid it behind the smile.
And you thought everything was fine,
but not now.
I'm overborne and I'm coming undone;
It's finally all worth this wretched while.
I know you never read between the lines,
until now.
You'll be searching for answers, but they're gone.

If we had taken the time out
to search me out
a long time ago,
perhaps this would be an entirely different note.
And I can't let it end this way, but it's out of my hands;
the pain is bleeding through, the scars are fanned
across the surface we'll finally study.
But it is too late to know;
all your perfect opportunities are lost to the sinking boat
as I am finally going under, six feet under me.

I know you never really knew me;
you wouldn't be so off-guard now if you did.
And I had to clam it up, bury
it all so deep.
You never lost any sleep;
you never gave a second thought to this kid,
never thought it could come to this:
I have been screaming for years
and I'm finally hoarse and bled dry.
I've bled out and I can no longer cry;
these tears aren't mine.
Don't listen to your haunted fears,
I'm not haunting you.
Don't second-guess this;
it's not fine.
I have to do what I have to do;
I have to leave you.

I've needed an out, because you haven't cared.
I've needed away, because you have never been there.
Give it a little time, let it pass you by;
cry what tears you think you must cry;
then let go of me.
That should be easy.

And when time has come around again,
I'll find a way to overcome the whirlwind
sown by your eager, clueless hands.
I'll finally find my own feet, and I will stand.
And come back around when I can.


*Silentium Absentis roughly translates into "silence of the missing" in Latin, but, admittedly, my Latin is rather rusty and so if anyone knows better, please let me know!