MISFORTUNE

[Episode I]

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S . ESTABLISHING.

The scene opens on a messy living room. A young woman, MISS FORTUNE, sits on the couch with a laptop on her legs. She wears simple clothing consisting of a t-shirt and jeans. The house itself is messy with several things lying around.

MISS FORTUNE

(Sits at computer. Over the shoulder shot of blog post)

VO: (Says as typing) "Back again... back from. Not existing. Well that's no matter. You remember me right? Well. Maybe you remember me as MISS FORTUNE - my alias. Well, those were different days. I go by Olivia now...seeing that all of our powers have been stripped. Yeah, can you believe it? That good for nothing, leader got us in deep. I should have never joined that Coterie. Ya know how that goes, though. One accidental civilian murder and everyone has a mental melt down-cue the hysterics. Next thing you know you're strapped to a table in some laboratory being injected with something strange... and I will have you know that room was horribly cold. And another thing it wa-"

As she is typing, her roommate, MEMENTON enters from the kitchen. He is also young but appears quite childish in appearance. His hair is messy and he too wears a simple T-Shirt and jeans.

MEMENTON

Are you going to help with dinner tonight or not? It's your turn.

MISS FORTUNE:

Yeah, yeah.

(Gets up and walks to kitchen, picking up a can of soup, opens it and pours into a bowl along the way and sitting it in the microwave.)

There, I helped.

MEMENTON:

Have you been blogging again?

MISS FORTUNE:

Uh... yes...

MEMENTON:

Why do you waste your time with that?

MISS FORTUNE:

Because! I sent the link to Neil Patrick Harris...what if he reads it?

MEMENTON:

Are you still going on about that? You know he probably doesn't even read that blog. It's stupid as is.

MISS FORTUNE:

Whatever, I know he reads it. I mean why wouldn't he! I'm awesome.

(Microwave beeps; MISS FORTUNE takes bowl out of microwave and looks at it.)

MEMENTON:

Keep telling yourself that.

(Walks over and looks in bowl.)

Is it supposed to be...green?

MISS FORTUNE:

Um...I don't think so. I think we need to go...get new food.

MEMENTON:

Yeah, we should... let's go.

Where are we going?

(Follows MISS FORTUNE OUT THE DOOR.)

The scene does an immediate cut to them walking into the doors of the local grocery store. Several people do their shopping here as MISS FORTUNE and MEMENTON approach the deli.

CUT TO.

INT. STORE- AFTERNOON.

MISS FORTUNE:

The store.

MEMENTON:

Whoa...what is this? It's like...a library of food.

MISS FORTUNE:

It's a grocery store...we were just here on Tuesday...remember?

MEMENTON:

I...can't remember.

MISS FORTUNE:

(She stares at him and shakes her head.)

No matter, did you bring the list?

MEMENTON:

We made a list?

MISS FORTUNE:

Oh...no. I guess we didn't. Okay, well what did we need?

(Starts walking down aisle.)

MEMENTON:

C...c...something with c? OH! Ravioli.

MISS FORTUNE:

That doesn't even start with c. I don't think that's on the list...the one we never wrote.

LUCKY:

Olivia!

MISS FORTUNE:

(Stops suddenly and tries not to cringe.)

That...Voice.

A young woman, LUCKY, enters at the end of the aisle. She has blonde hair and wears a shirt with a horseshoe on it. Around her white pants is a bright rainbow-esque belt and a rabbit's foot. Trailing not so far behind her is her boyfriend, TODD. He wears a T-shirt with a fist on it and jet black pants. A small toothcomb is visible from his pocket.

MEMENTON:

What's wrong?

MISS FORTUNE:

The biggest hoser in the world...that was her voi-

LUCKY:

OLIVIA! That is you!

(She runs over to them.)

How have you been?

MISS FORTUNE:

Oh, LUCKY, Hi. I've been okay...

LUCKY:

That's great! You look great! So, what's new? Still with the Coterie?

MISS FORTUNE:

Not exactly, we disbanded.

LUCKY:

Oh, poo!

TODD:

(Comes up to LUCKY.)

There you are! I was looking for you. Who's this?

LUCKY:

TODD, you remember Olivia right?

TODD:

I remember handing her over to the police.

MISS FORTUNE:

Haha... okay well...

MEMENTON:

Hi! Nice to meet both of you!

LUCKY:

We've met before

TODD:

Lots of times.

MEMENTON:

Wow, really?

LUCKY:

You really don't remember?

MEMENTON:

Remember what?

MISS FORTUNE:

(Face palm)

Oh well, we really should be going.

LUCKY:

Oh, but we haven't had time to catch up!

MISS FORTUNE:

Oh but I've really got to get him home befo-

TODD:

Why don't we all come over for dinner, eh? Around 7 o'clock?

MISS FORTUNE:

I really don't think that-

LUCKY:

Oh what a great idea, TODD! So 7?

MISS FORTUNE:

I...I

LUCKY:

Alright! 7 it is! Your place right? Don't worry about giving us directions! We know where to go.

(They walk away)

MEMENTON:

Well they seem like a nice couple I th-

MISS FORTUNE:

(Grabs his arm forcefully and storms out of store)

C'MON! We're leaving!

MEMENTON:

I don't see what the big deal is!

MISS FORTUNE:

(Pulls him aside by store entrance)

LUCKY and TODD are my nemesis. Okay?

MEMENTON:

What? But they're so nice... and isn't there a plural word for nemesis? Like…nemesis's or... nemisi? Something like that?

MISS FORTUNE:

Never mind that. Look, ever since grade school LUCKY has always had the upper hand. She had the best clothes, the best pencils, the pink my little pony with the star brush and green hair. She's had EVERYTHING I've ALWAYS wanted. She nearly ruined my chances of getting into the Coterie.

MEMENTON:

But the Coterie has disbanded since, why does it matter?

MISS FORTUNE:

Why does it matter? It matters more than anything! Because of her all of my plans have been messed up or stolen! Because of her it took me TWICE as long to work my way into the Coterie and it's because of HER that we don't have our powers! Don't you remember ANYTHING?

MEMENTON:

No. Nuh uh.

MISS FORTUNE:

Arghh! Let's go home, we have to hide our failures before they get here.

Cut To.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE. EVENING.

The scene changes back to their home where MEMENTON and MISS FORTUNE are shoving stuff under a rug/cabinet/closet/anything able to hold a large quantity of junk.

MISS FORTUNE:

(Wiping her hands to get stuff off them)

Crap, we still have to get food for dinner. That stupid LUCKY and her dumb as nails boyfriend distracted me so much that I forgot we actually needed food. MEMENTON, I'm going to write a list, and then I'll go back to the store while you finish cleaning. Leave the TV off, and don't get distracted.

MEMENTON:

Why don't I just go to the store, and you clean this way you know it'll get done.

MISS FORTUNE:

Are you sure you can handle going to the store by yourself...?

MEMENTON:

(Nods)

MISS FORTUNE:

Ok, fine. Let me just write a list.

(Does so and hands it to MEMENTON)

Please don't be gone long, this will take time to cook, and if it's not done by 7, we'll look like fools, and LUCKY will hold it over my head forever.

MEMENTON:

Okay dokey, bye. (Walks out of door, and down the street with the list in hand)

Cut to.

INT. STORE. EVENING.

MEMENTON walks into the same store from earlier and looks around. Instead of grabbing a basket or cart, he walks past them and into the produce section.

MEMENTON:

(Walks into store, down the first aisle.)

I guess I should get what MISS FORTUNE wants.

(Reaches in every pocket for the list; looks concerned)

Uh oh...where did that list go? Um...I think I remember what was on it. Oh, look bananas! Those look good. They're probably on the list. What next?

(Sees the sign for the deli) OOOh...(as he presses his nose to the glass) Potato salad. Yum. I'll have some of that.

(Looks up and sees the bakery) COOKIES! (He runs over to get cookies, a cake, and some other pastries)

He is struggling to carry stuff, so he steals another person's cart, and then he takes it down different aisles until he comes to the canned food aisle. He takes stuff from fruit, to canned soup, to tuna. He then takes the cart to the register and pays.

MEMENTON (CONT'D)

MISS FORTUNE is going to be so proud of me for doing this alone!

Cut to.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE. EVENING.

Most of the house is clean although it is easily to tell that they hid things rather than put them away.

MISS FORTUNE:

(Looks at clock)

Oh darn it! It's 7 and MEMENTON still isn't back!

(Doorbell rings)

And of course LUCKY chose now to start showing up on time.

(Starts walking to the door)

Grr! Where is he?

Cut to.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT. EVENING

MEMENTON:

Where did I park...? Did I drive...?

Cut to.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE.

LUCKY:

Thank you so much for inviting us over for dinner! We have been looking forward to this all day, haven't we TODD?

TODD:

Sure, babe. So...what's for dinner?

MISS FORTUNE:

About that...we could, um, go out?

LUCKY:

Aw, I was looking forward to a nice homemade dinner.

MISS FORTUNE:

Psych, dinner will be ready soon. (Under breath: I hope)

Cut to.

EXT. STORE PARKING LOT. EVENING.

As MEMENTON stands pondering his vehicle dilemma, a pair of people walk up behind him. They both appear to be tough and hoodlums with a threatening demeanor.

MEMENTON:

I didn't drive. I don't have a license. (He grabs groceries and starts walking)

THUG #1:

Hey friend, what cha got there? (Cracks knuckles and neck)

MEMENTON:

Groceries, you see I have to be home by 7 so my boss can cook dinner for her archenemies.

THUG #2:

It's 7:15. You're late. We don't like late people. (Grabs MEMENTON 's collar)

MEMENTON:

Oh, that's not good. MISS FORTUNE is going to kill me!

THUG #1 & 2:

MISS FORTUNE!

THUG #2:

…as in the one with the awesome blog?

THUG #1:

We love her! That trick with the fire hydrant and the electricity was pretty clever. (to Thug #2) Way to show the pigs, eh? Yo, we could give you a ride!

MEMENTON :

Really, that'd be great!

Cut to.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE. EVENING.

MEMENTON :

(Walking to the door) Thanks guys! Bye!

MISS FORTUNE , MISS FORTUNE , I'm back!

(Sees LUCKY and TODD) Oh, hey guys. It's so nice to see you two again.

I got the st-

MISS FORTUNE :

Oh good, MEMENTON . You got the rest of the food so we can finish cooking.

MEMENTON :

But you haven't even start-

MISS FORTUNE :

Yes, I haven't even started dessert.

(To LUCKY and TODD) You can start a movie while I go to the kitchen and finish.

(Dragging MEMENTON into kitchen) WHAT TOOK YOU SO LONG!

MEMENTON :

(All in one run-on sentence)Well, I got to the store, and they had some awesome food, so I bought it, and I put down the list, so I got some other stuff, and then I couldn't remember where I parked, and then I remembered that I didn't drive, so I started walking, and then I ran into these guys who wanted to beat me up, but then they knew your blog, so they brought me home, and then I got home, and I saw LUCKY and TODD, and now you're yelling at me for taking too long, and you're wasting time by talking to me when you can be making dinner (takes a deep breath for effect)

MISS FORTUNE :

I…you…ugh! Fine, just stall for me so I can get something cooked.

MEMENTON walks out of the kitchen. You can hear him talking to LUCKY and TODD about random things, and hear the movie in the background.

MISS FORTUNE (CONT'D)

What the Hell am I going to do with this? (Looks at the groceries laid out on the counter)

SFX. clanging of pots and pans, one very loud expletive, and finally the sound of the smoke alarm.

MISS FORTUNE (CONT'D)

Dinner's done!

Cut to the table where there is some indiscernible blackened food in a dish

LUCKY :

(To TODD) Maybe we should have let her treat us to dinner at a restaurant.

(To MISS FORTUNE ) This looks…appetizing. What is it?

MISS FORTUNE :

Um, old family recipe. If I told you, I'd have to kill you. (Under breath: As much as I'd love that…)

MEMENTON :

Wow MISS FORTUNE , your family must have some bad chefs.

MISS FORTUNE :

(To MEMENTON ) Not helping.

While they are all seated at the table there are close ups of their individual faces as Vos of their thoughts are heard.

LUCKY (VO)

This food looks disgusting

TODD (VO)
(trying to look at his reflection in his spoon)

Is my nose really that big?

When the camera goes to MEMENTON all you hear is elevator music and him thinking about cartoons.

When the camera goes to MISS FORTUNE it shows her daydream.

Cut to.

The scene is the same except for the raging look on MISS FORTUNE's face. She continues to think about how much she hates lucky and flips her plate over.

Cut to.

In reality, MISS FORTUNE sits quietly, her eyes fixed on LUCKY.

LUCKY :

So, Olivia, how have you been? It seems like forever since we talked.

MISS FORTUNE :

Well, I wouldn't exactly call you thwarting my attempt to break into a bank talking. All I was trying to do was control the guard long enough to get into the vault, take a couple million, and you come in all high and mighty, "MISS FORTUNE , it seems that this time your Luck has run out." Oh, ha ha, you used your name in a catch phrase, very original.

LUCKY :

Hey, it's not my fault. You use your power for evil, and I use it to help people. Maybe if you would have joined the Virtuous Allies, you might still have your powers. And I say might because as we all know, my attempts at controlling fate are slightly more successful. Karma finally found her way to you, and I'm really sorry to say this, but you got what was coming to you.

MISS FORTUNE :

Excuse me! Who was the one in 5th grade who made the kick ball go so far just because she wanted to score a goal that the ball ended up hitting little Justin Bieber in the throat. He was eating chips, and he swallowed part of it unchewed, and it scratched his vocal chords. You did that! And listen to him now. He sounds like a pre-pubescent girl!

LUCKY :

I may have messed up his vocal chords, but he has a very successful singing career. Usher discovered him!

MISS FORTUNE :

He may be successful, but what 17-year-old boy wants a bunch of 12-year-old girls crying over him? I'm just saying that it's your fault he will never fully hit puberty.

TODD:

At least LUCKY never killed anyone!

MISS FORTUNE :

That was an accident! I never claimed to be perfect! All I wanted to do was stop all the telephones from working for a little bit. Don't you know how frustrated it makes people? It's absolutely perfect. The souls of thousands would be tainted from that one evil deed, and it would all be because of me. I had very good evil ideas…the execution of them, not so much.

MEMENTON :

Hey, I don't know who this Justin Bieber guy is, but you shouldn't fight. LUCKY and TODD are here for dinner, so let's just eat.

(Piles food on his plate)

(Sincerely) This looks great! (He's about to take a bite when…)

MISS FORTUNE :

(Tries to hit LUCKY in the head with a big candle stick, but TODD stops her)

TODD:

Come on, LUCKY . We're obviously not welcome here.

(He and LUCKY walk to the front door and walk out. They leave the door open)

MISS FORTUNE :

GOOD RIDDANCE!

(MISS FORTUNE slams the door shut, but because the door is broken, it swings back open. She forcefully shuts it, and locks it.)

MEMENTON :

What was that? They were just trying to enjoy the dinner you made them, and making friendly conversation.

MISS FORTUNE :

Friendly conversation! What are you talking about! They brought up the past, and LUCKY had that coming… I'm going to bed. (leaves the room.)

Cut to.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE. MORNING.

MISS FORTUNE :

(Blogging; over shoulder shot.)

V/O: I can't believe her. LUCKY , she is one of the most insolent, brazen mistakes on the planet. Not a single thing she does can justify the mistake she made by bringing up the past. Those things are better left unmentioned…which is why I have decided, to redeem myself to the Coterie . If I do something out-wittingly horrible they will have to take me back and restore my powers. After all, once they see the terrible condition of my miserable roommate they must have some sort of pity right? Well…I suppose that's an idiotic thing to assume, they're a coterie of villains, sympathy and pity wouldn't be in their vocabulary. Anyways, back to evil things! Okay, so I have been devising this plan, an evil plan. A plan SO evil, no one could ever think of it. I'm gonna get back at her so badly she won't know what to do with herself. Now the tough part is executing the plan perfectly. There can't be a single thing in my way. This time, things are going to be different. This time, I can't fail. I am taking the time to make lists of every possible outcome, every possible move she could make. But, this time, I will know every thought in her head, and I will always be three steps ahead…possibly five if necessary. Let the games begin.

Cut to.

INT. LUCKY 'S HOUSE. MORNING. Establishing.

LUCKY's house is relatively neat in appearance. TODD and her also live together and while TODD does live there, there doesn't appear to be many manly things about the property. They have two dogs as well and several clocks.

LUCKY :

Oh my goodness TODD, can you believe the audacity of MISS FORTUNE ? Trying to hit me over the head with a candleholder? We were invited to her house for a nice dinner, and we couldn't even enjoy it. I was looking forward to catching up with her since she lost her powers and left the Coterie . I was thinking that maybe we could be friends. Or at least be civil with each other. I wasn't trying to be spiteful. Maybe it was my fault...no it was definitely hers. She's the one who was evil to begin with.

TODD:

You're absolutely right babe. MISS FORTUNE would be LUCKY to have a friend like you. You're loyal, and good, and kind.

LUCKY :

I know, TODD. Well, after that heinous act against me, we will just have to make sure she stays in line. We have to keep a close watch on her. We have to stay three steps ahead of her at all times. It's not going to be enough just to know what she is doing. We have to also know what the Coterie is up to. This calls for back up. The Virtuous Allies have to send every available person out into the field. I don't know how we're going to get Commander Walker to agree to this. You know how thick skulled he is. MISS FORTUNE will rue the day she messed with LUCKY .

TODD:

And TODD.

LUCKY :

Right, and TODD.

TODD:

We really should be going to-

LUCKY :

Oh my god, TODD, I just had the most brilliant idea.

TODD:

What's that, LUCKY ?

LUCKY :

Who do we know that knows exactly what MISS FORTUNE is doing at all times? Who recently lost his memory, and absolutely loves us, and can be easily manipulated?

TODD:

MEMENTON ?

LUCKY :

Precisely! I bet we could totally convince him to tell us everything MISS FORTUNE talks about or plans!

TODD:

That's absolutely brilliant LUCKY ! We can probably get him to destroy any plan she has "accidentally", and it would really look like an accident because of everything that has happened to him. As long as nothing happens to MEMENTON that will somehow cause him to have cohesive thoughts…

LUCKY :

That is exactly what I was thinking! Wow, I'm so smart.

Cut to.

INT. MISS FORTUNE 'S HOUSE. MORNING.

There are pieces of paper all over the walls and on the table of the living room.

MISS FORTUNE :

(Writing on a piece of paper)

So, if I don't use the handheld incinerator the wires won't combust, which would lead to another conclusion entirely…. Huh. That's interesting. But what if I needed to wires to combust? Let's see… if the wires combus—

MEMENTON :

What are you doing?

MISS FORTUNE :

(jumps up and looks at him)

W-what?

MEMENTON :

What are you doing? Why are there papers all over the walls and tables?

MISS FORTUNE :

(stands up and looks around)

Oh! You've noticed my mind map.

MEMENTON :

It wasn't hard to notice…. What's it for?

MISS FORTUNE :

Well, I've been thinking… Every time I've performed a heist that goes wrong it's because I wasn't prepared for every possible outcome… but this way I am. I've contemplated every possible thing that could happen from every little decision I make and this way, I will be prepared for anything.

MEMENTON :

Uh….huh..

(reads paper)

"Get stung by a bee and get rushed to the hospital…?"

MISS FORTUNE :

Yes, I'm allergic to bees and because of this I have a solution, I shall take an epipen and syringe of benedryll with me. That way if a bee stings me, I'll be able to skip the going to the hospital part.

MEMENTON :

What do you even plan on doing?

MISS FORTUNE :

Oh! I'm glad you've asked. I've thought up something so devious only a true evil genius could've thought it up.

MEMENTON :

You're going to rewire an ATM so you just need a code to access the money?

MISS FORTUNE :

No… but that is a good idea. However, I have an even better idea. I'm going to kidnap the MAYOR's daughter.

MEMENTON :

….uh..

MISS FORTUNE :

Think about it! All I would have to do is bribe her to come with me, then we'll send a ransom letter to the MAYOR; once he grants us the money, I'll send her home. No one gets hurt and we get paid.

MEMENTON :

WOW! That is a good idea, I wish I thought of that.

MISS FORTUNE :

Now now, leave the thinking for those with fully developed brains, go play with your toys.

MEMENTON :

… So am I making dinner tonight?

MISS FORTUNE :

Er… Yes! Because I shall be too busy… but, MEMENTON , it's only… well it's not even noon yet, why don't you get online and find out the MAYOR's plans for the next few days! Ha! This is going to be great.

Fade out.