This is me screaming, crying, and smiling all at the same time

Because without you I know I would die

And with you all I do is cry

When I see your face my body fills with so many emotions

Half of me hates you for everything you've done

And part of me loves you because of everything you are

But you don't know that girl because

I shut her in a prison I call my heart

Blocked away from any further heartbreak

And locked shut from anymore hurt

I could build multiple walls to keep you out

But no matter how much hate and disgust I layer on top

I still feel scared

I still cry

And deep down that girl continues to smile

When I hear you say that you care

I have two reactions:

One, that girl in the jail starts pleading to be let out

And two, I scream and protectively build another wall to lock you out

I've heard the same things before, and I can't help but feel they're rehearsed

How long will it last, I wonder? A few months? Weeks?

Do you even care as much as you say you do?

I feel scared that if I let you in

You're going to hurt me

I cry because

I don't want to hurt you

And somehow I smile, because that covers over all the hurt

A grin makes everything that happened then

Go away

With every word you say

I feel myself slowly giving into you

I can feel the wars almost over

I tell myself to let it go

But part of me continues to scream

Yet the majority squeals

That's the way you make me feel

I've fought myself for you; a true battle of love and hate

But just one thing before I surrender:

Prove to me that you're not fake

Show me that the girl in jail was innocent

And that I was wrong

Tell me you mean everything you say

And that in a few years you won't just go away

This is me giving a surrender

I'm letting the girl who likes you out

I realize this is now and that was then

That with you I can never win

And although I realize our odds are very few

...I think I kinda like losing to you