I hate how when I'm with them I can't help but smile.

I hate how they make me want to die no matter how hard I try.

I hate how.

I hate how everything is so screwed up.

I hate how I can't help feeling like this.

I hate how nothing makes sense anymore.

How nothing makes me feel better.

But most of all, I hate myself,

For feeling like this, for hating them, how I envy the ones I judge for the things they do.

There my best friends, yet they hurt me the most.