i think im ending this without actually ending it. ive moved on from the drug depression and all of it. i just cant live like that anymore. i took drugs because i was depressed and not happy with where i was in life, and my mindset was "well, if it gets really bad ill just take a handful and see what happens". the depression is still there and im slowly weaning off some of the vices i have now. 42 days may not be a long time for you guys, but i cant even put it into words how long it was for me. and im a fucking writer, so its not like i dont know how to put my feelings into words.

well, this is it. this all probably sounds overdramatic, but the amount of things that ive delt with this last year is all in here. all the hate, the downward and upward spirals, the guilt, the pain, and my rockbottom. im young and stupid and sick of wasting away. no guy saved me, my family didnt, i did. im gonna be an arrogant asshole and say that getting off drugs was all me :D.

today was the first day i read any of my writing in this collection. im actually surprised i was able to type any of it hahaa. and i wrote back to all the people that messaged because i would have so many bad days where i wasnt able to, but a few good days where i could. i realize that my writing is not that great in this collection, but theres aspects that i love. anyways, thanks to everybody that read this and who enjoyed it, i guess. i hope maybe i inspired you in some way or made you think about things you never thought you would. maybe now i can talk like an actual human being to the people that reviewed.

thanks for reading you guys.

8/2/12