The Helper that wanted to be helped.

by Marissa Rendon

A simple thing it seems that of course everyone wants some comfort, some more than others though and we usually refer to those people as walking "pity parties" where they care about no one.

Well once upon a time in a not so distant place there lived a girl, nothing really special about her really, but she would always try and listen to other people's problems, often not telling them her own because she felt like she would just trouble them, so she kept it to herself, always bottling her emotions up, and eventually after shaking the soda bottle up too much, it exploded, with no holding back. The same goes for her, and this is her story…

'It was a simple personality test' she thought to herself as tears of sorrow and uselessness fell down her cheeks. That test was one she found online and did for fun, mainly out of boredom. The results were 2 answers being branched off, out of the two branches she completely understood one, it claimed her to be a perfectionist. The one she didn't understand why she got at first, made her feel utterly pathetic. What was it you may ask?

The helper that wants to be helped.

Oh how perfectly it fitted her right then as she wept for hours, clutching her bear and her blanket like a kindergartener. It was all because of those stupid hamburgers…or rather the "back-seat cookers" as she would call them that would criticize her while she tried to cook. It was doing well at first until those first words were spoken from that oh-so-annoying mouth of her step dad because of a slight frustration of something silly, but the frustration grew even more, frustration and anger turned into sorrow and pity for herself, then into utter sadness and anger that her mother, not understanding what happened sent her to her room. And there she cried, and cried and cried. The weather even seemed to match her mood as the rain pounded against the window, the sky turning darker as thunder boomed across the sky in the distance.

And all she wanted was comfort.

Of course she knew that if someone WERE to try to comfort her she would tell them to leave, but she knew she wanted comfort, for someone to sit next to her on her bed as she cried pitifully to herself.

She could never cry in front of her friends, they all counted on her, she was the one they relied on and told their problems to, problems she would help them solve with a rational mind. But when it came to herself, although she was alone, she always wanted someone there for her, someone who would comfort her even if it seemed pointless, even if it was for something stupid like hamburgers…

But the fact is even though it may start out over hamburgers, all the crying makes the pools of despair overflow and soon all negative thoughts ever been spoken or heard come flowing to her. She thinks of all the times she has let someone down and how useless she feels, she starts to think she doesn't deserve to eat, but it doesn't matter because she's fat anyways. And it's during these times when she wants comfort.

But none comes, and the girl cries alone , consumed by the dark emptiness of her heart.