[A/N: Welcome to my first publication on FictionPress. I promise you it will make very little sense. ;) Enjoy~!]
and then he went
"BOOM!" with a Tank
I'm pretty sure most people can't say that their classmate has blown them up.
I, however, can.
My name is Crazylaugh Insanity. Most call me Craze. I have an extreme obsession with the Warriors series by Erin Hunter, the discontinued TV show Invader Zim (why, Nickelodeon, why?), and pudding. I have an insane laugh that drives most people nuts, thus my name.
I lost my sanity in the Ape Caves near Mt St Helens on a field trip back in fifth grade. I like to hug people and have basically no friends except an eighth grader named Tessa who is going to high school next year. My other friends only keep me around in the hopes that when this years' fifth graders go to the Ape Caves, they will find my sanity.
Anyway, back to the point.
Yes, I have been blown up by a tank. I swear, it's all Fruity's fault. And Ms Blondie's, but she can't be blamed for sudden mad desires to kill her students. (Can she?)
Ah. I'm getting off topic again. How about I just start with the day my teacher sent us to a military camp?
It started out as a normal day. Potato ridiculed me the whole bus ride, but I got her back later by giving her a death hug. She hates that, even more than the whole rest of the class combined, which is quite a feat.
I bugged the heck out of my classmates as we waited around for the bell to ring before school. Oversport, an athletic boy with a short haircut, hung in the shadows. Life is brilliantly unfair to some.
Over yonder I heard Hugego saying something obnoxious to his friends. He was a blonde boy with an addiction to Underarmour™ and the hugest ego of anyone I have ever met.
Umm, Erf, Pencilhair, Squinty, ASBfreak, Superfart, Chinagirl, Horsefriend, Colorblind, and Alooftical, ten background characters, clustered together in a mournful circle. None of them were extremely alike; they were roughly clumped into a group only because, well, they were they were background characters in this story but the author thought them worth mentioning. So thus they were clumped together. It's a sad story when you know it's only that.
Then there was Hugego's friend, Choking Hyena. He's a boy with hair longer than mine and whole laugh sounds like a dying goose kissing a choking hyena. I don't see why anyone hung around him, even Hugego.
My life is sad enough without Elevator sticking his nose in it. Elevator, true to name, had gotten stuck in the elevator at our school (I don't even see why we have one in the first place) for three whole hours. He's also coincidentally one of my archenemies. That's right, I have several.
One of Elevator's buddies was Pokémon-Knife, or Pokes, as most call him. Pokes was obsessed with Pokémon, and had a fiendish desire to kill everyone he knew with knives. Other obsessions: Star Wars, Minecraft, etc.
Singing "the Song that Never Ends" uproariously was Crazy Redhead and Tsunami-snakeaphobia. Crazy Redhead, or Reddie, is, well, a crazy redhead. You'd expect her to do certain nutty things, and she does. Tsunami-snakeaphobia is Reddie's best friend. That name is far too long for my liking, so we all call her Tsuna. (That's SOO-NUH for all of those who can't pronounce anything.) Tsuna is deathly afraid of even the mention of tsunamis and snakes, so she was in a living nightmare while watching the clips of the Japan tsunami a year back. Usually I get a laugh out of other people's misery, but watching Tsuna ... well, I can't help but feel sorry for her.
It pains me to think of Fishface, or the Nutcracker, as some call him. Fishface had a face like fish, a squeaky voice, and the talent to annoy anyone he met. Some of us call him the Nutcracker because once our school did a Christmas play: The Nutcracker. He starred in it as the Nutcracker (I use that word way too often) and was good for the rehearsals. However, on the day of the play, he got cold feet. He tried to back out, but there was no one to replace him. So in goes Fishface, cold as a clam, and turns out he didn't memorize his lines. He messed up so bad none of us ever let him forget.
And now I fear I must arrive at the dreaded Stalker. Stalker is, as his name suggests, a stalker. Not a full-time one or a dangerous one, just an annoying one. He's been stalking me and my friend Potato for years.
At the last of a long list of unfriendlies, we find Bouncefreak. He is a boy who hates it when people bounce up and down, shift side to side rapidly, or even swiftly rotate. Annoying, but you get used to it.
Ah, I see I forgot Mr Moose. Mr Moose is not particularly unpleasant, but in my eyes he is as he hangs out with Hugego. He likes to draw pictures of meese (you know, the plural of moose ...) doing crazy things such as going skydiving, blowing up a house, rescuing someone from sharks, and drinking coffee. His most famous equation is "Lime + Stone = Limestone." Sometimes I wonder about that kid.
Fruity. How can I explain him? He had a crush on this girl named Ashley in fourth grade. Have you heard of the apple trick? You say the alphabet as you twist the stem of an apple, and remember what letter you were on when the stem breaks. Then get another apple and do it for a few times, and it should spell out the name of the person you want to marry. Of course, I thought this was bologna until Fruity did it—and the name the apple spelled out was Ashley. Creepy, right?
However, life is not void of rays of sunshine, however slight they may be. Let us move on to happier times ... or people, whatever.
First there is my frienemy Potato. She is ... hard to describe. She is a lot like Pokes in some respects, being obsessed with Minecraft and Star Wars, but far more respectable. And wild. Quite wild and crazy and random. I ... have a hard time describing her. You would have to meet her in person to really understand her.
Then I know Niceties. Niceties is perhaps the nicest girl I know. She is kind and patient, though she does not stand fools. She is tall and feels passionately about things such as the freedom to play tag at recess. She also wears glasses.
Niceties's best friend is Corn. Corn likes to read Warriors and helped me co-write a fanfiction. Or was that Niceties? I can't remember anymore. She likes to be called corn for reasons best kept to herself and can sometimes have a very disturbing mind.
And at last we arrive at Fluffehair. I have known Fluffeh longer that any of my other friends, before I lost my sanity in the Ape Caves. Fluffeh is quite short and has really, really fluffy hair. Sigh ... it's so much fun to bounce, but she slaps my hand any time I try.
And finally, the one girl who I think truly likes me for all my insaneness, or perhaps because of it. The eighth grader Tessa. She is the only one in this story who the author has not given another name to for privacy's sake, namely because ... I have no idea. Tessa is nice and lets me hang out with her while I am waiting for my friends to arrive and Potato has had enough of me. She talks with me until Corn, Niceties, and Fluffeh arrive and treats me well. She also serves no real purpose in this story that I can tell, but this is the author's decision, not my own.
As I look at the large block of text the author has just written, I am amazed at how long it takes to type descriptions and how much of it is needed before I really start telling this story.
Well, I'd best move on to the action if this story is going to take flight.
The bell rang and dismissed us from the courtyard and invited us to our classes. All of my classes are with the same people mentioned above, and first period is Math with Ms Blondie. Ms Blondie is a tall blonde woman who normally acts ... normal. However, occasionally she expresses a fiendish desire to kill us all. Her past plans to destroy us include: a large, carnivorous bunny that Choking Hyena tamed and brought home as a pet, a field trip to the Amazon Rainforest that we narrowly avoided due to a snow day, numerous types of explosives that fortunately blew up just after school got out, and Choking Hyena hyped up on sugar (we had to call the principal in on this).
As soon as I saw the gleam in her eyes, I knew that today was one of her bad days.
"Hello, class," she purred. "Today we're going on a little field trip."
I exchanged glances with Potato and Fluffeh. That didn't sound good.
Pointing to each of us with her long fingers, Ms Blondie's face was lit with a smile. "Good!" she exclaimed. "You're all here. Now, let's head downstairs to where the bus is waiting."
Smiling demonically, she led us down the steps, out the doors, and we boarded the armored bus that would soon seal our fate.