i could not meet your eyes
voice flat, i stated "this isn't a conversation
i am willing to have"

and it shouldn't have to be that way

your hand felt too tight around mine
i was ashamed, afraid
could not properly breathe
as you offered to listen

"i'm sorry" a thousand times
when i know i'm only apologizing for something
i was powerless to stop (wasn't i?).

i'll never tell you what happened to me
because i refuse to give myself so deeply
to anybody, anybody
not again

and i'm sorry, and it shouldn't have to be this way
but it is


an. i wish i could just tell him. it would make this a lot easier. but i just can't.