By C. S.

"I'll stand here in the rain, calling out your name,

because it's the only time I can shout to the world how I feel

without you hearing me..."

There I was, standing by the window, listening to the pitter-patter of the falling raindrops. I closed my eyes... only one image came to mind: a petite feminine figure with pale skin glowing like the moon and with hair the color of night. The figure had half-lidded eyes as she danced gracefully to the song of nature. And there it was, what a lovely sight to behold: her gentle, innocent, most beautiful smile! It doesn't matter how many times I let my mind wander like this... with her every step, turn and sway, I find myself falling even further. How I wish her eyes would open so she could see me, know that I exist, and realize just how much she captivates me.

But alas, this is but a daydream... the musings of a tortured soul, longing for the warmth of another. No, not just another... a princess! No... an angel. No... a goddess! Yes, a goddess indeed.

I have long since watched her, in secret, like a predator stalking its prey. At first, it was that innocent angelic face that had caught my eye. And then there were those beautiful bright eyes, reminding me briefly of the stars. And those lips... how they curl up to bring the most heart-warming smile. It was this that had captured me. Then there was that pearl-like skin I longed to touch and often wondered if it felt like velvet. This was my goddess, my addiction, my obsession. And yet, I am unknown. I do not exist in her world. I am but a shadow, constantly treading closer, and closer, and disappearing the moment I step into the light. I am undeserving – filthy compared to her unnerving purity.

I shake my head and finally open my eyes. The rain was still pouring. I look around to see I am still in this room, unable to go out until the rain has stopped. There they were, my friends, talking with each other, sharing trivial stories. And there she was, among them, joining in their conversation.

That gentle face... again, I am taken aback, my heart pounding in my chest as I find myself staring. Those twinkling eyes... they sparkle with her laughter. Those lips... how I love the way they just form that beautiful smile. Everything in this room is dull, but this girl... she glows.

Like a moth, I am entranced by her light. I take a step forward, slowly growing closer to her. I can feel the warmth as I draw nearer. I take my hand to reach out to her, to finally get her attention, but before I can discover if her skin really did feel like velvet, she shifts those eyes onto me and smiles.

That smile... it makes my heart melt. My heart... it's beating faster now and pounding so loud I feel like it's going to burst. Even my breathing has quickened its pace. I must have looked like I was dying because I can see worry in her eyes, and those lips were slowly forming a frown. My goddess... I cannot bear seeing her this way.

And as if to torture me more, she reaches out to touch me. I close my eyes, afraid that I am dreaming. Then I feel a soft touch on my face... like velvet. My goddess... I do not deserve this.

With my heart threatening to escape my chest and my breathing about to give out, I open my eyes, only to see the most precious diamonds locked into mine. And yet, I am afraid. I'm terrified. I do not deserve this.

Without warning, I look away and run out of the room. I ran as fast as I could. I didn't look back to see if anyone came after me. I just needed to get out... just far away.

After what seemed like hours, I stop. I couldn't run any further. I look around and realized it was still raining hard. I could barely see anything. All I could do was stand in the middle of nowhere with the rain falling almost painfully on my back.

I felt numb. I felt cold. I felt nothing... nothing but that lingering warmth on my face. I lift a hand to touch where she did and I closed my eyes.

There she was again, in that lovely white dress, dancing to the rhythm of the rain and the whistling of the wind. She looked so graceful – like a goddess – and beautifully stunning with that smile. Her eyes started to flutter open and I find her gaze resting on me. I'm unable to speak as I watched her. With her every step, turn and sway, she kept her eyes locked onto mine.

I open my eyes, feeling guilty as I am undeserving of her attention. I feel the rain drenching me even further, but I do not move. I am unable to.

I close my eyes again and without fail, she appears. With half -lidded eyes, she dances, and when she turns around, and I am sure she will not see me, I part my lips and let slip those three words I've been longing to say...

" . . ."

"I'll stand here in the rain, calling out your name,

because it's the only time I can shout to the world how I feel

without you hearing me..."