Borderline Psychotic

Series of unrealistic events that somehow happened to a group of misfits.



They were all seated in the living room; Jenn and Jen cuddled on the loveseat, Seth laying on the floor with their new dog, Blake, Miranda sitting on the other couch with Jessica, and Krysty and her new boyfriend, Drew, seated on the other other couch.

Jenn cleared her throat before speaking. "The reason we gathered you all here today is because," she paused, the grin on on her face grew wider. "Jen and I are...engaged."

Miranda was the first one to react. She jumped off of the couch and hugged the couple tightly. "Congratulations!" She squealed. "Does this mean we can have that threesome now?"

"Um, no –"

"Congratulations. It's to be decided that I will officiate you." Jessica said in a British accent. No one was sure why she was speaking like that, but nobody questioned it.

Jen smiled, "We were hoping that Krysty would be our bridesmaid. And Seth can be the best man."

"YAY!" Krysty squealed. Seth nodded and grinned, as he hugged the dog next to him.

"Wait, why are you two getting married?" Miranda asked as she plopped back down on the couch.

"Because we thought it was a great time to get married." Jenn answered with a wide grin.

"You two have been dating for like...nine days." Jessica said nonchalantly, still in her British accent.

"So? Who cares? We love each other and we shall get married." Jen said, holding onto her fiancé's hand.

Drew cleared his throat, "I've gotta go –"

"No, you're staying here." Krysty wrapped her arms tighter around the boy and he whimpered.

"K, you're great and all, but I gotta get back to my girlfriend –"

"I AM YOUR GIRLFRIEND." She growled, glaring at him with the intensity of a thousand suns.

"O-Okay." He sighed defeatedly. Drew slinked back down on the couch and began to quietly sob.

Seth made a noise similar to a whip cracking.


Seth's bedroom door creaked open and the boy looked up from his laptop at who was entering his room. Drew appeared, trembling with fear in his eyes.

"You have to help me get out of here." Drew panted desperately and Seth only stared at him blankly. "Krysty's great and all, but I- I already have another girlfriend. And I haven't been home in days and she's getting worried. I can't tell her that I'm being held hostage by this maniac who thinks I'm her boyfriend."

"Wait," Seth's eyebrow raised questioningly. "You're not?"

"No! I fixed her, because of her lion thing. Then all of a sudden she's in love with me. All she does is pet my hair and bites my nose." Drew pointed to his nose. "I HAVE BITE MARKS ON MY NOSE!"

"Okay, whoa, calm down. I'll help you get out. Where's Krysty now?"

"She's in the shower," Drew replied.

"Why didn't you just walk out of the house?" Seth asked curiously. This guy was stupid, he thought.

"I..I can't." Drew sighed before pulling off his shirt. There were two black objects stuck on his chest, where his nipples should be. "They're like a shock collar, except they're on your nipples. I can't physically leave because it shocks me."


"Please tell me you'll help me." He kneeled before Seth. "I will do anything, anything, to get out of here and away from Krysty."

"...Anything?" Seth smirked.


Miranda was prancing about in the kitchen, spreading flour on the floor for no reason. Jessica walked in and stared at her.

"What are you doing?"

"Nothing," Miranda smiled innocently. Then she held her finger close to her lips. The other girl stood silently.

Then Jessica heard faint moaning coming from upstairs. "That sounds like Drew."

"Drew? I thought that sounded more like Seth."

The pair listened on carefully.

"Seeeeeeeeth." They heard grunting and the bed creaking a few times, before the moaning intensified.

Krysty came into the room. "Doodle and my boyfriend are playing monopoly." She said quietly.

"I didn't know monopoly got this intense." Miranda muttered.

Back in Seth's room...

"Seeeeeth," Drew groaned. "You can't just send me to jail like that!"

"The card says you have to go to jail!" Seth retorted, moving Drew's piece onto jail.

"That's cheating." He grunted as he bounced a bit on Seth's bed. "I quit."

The door flew open and Jenn walked in naked. "I thought you guys were having sex so I thought maybe I could join." She said sheepishly.

"No, we're playing monopoly..." Seth murmured distractedly, staring at Jenn's boobs.


Seth didn't know how he did it without ripping off Drew's nipples, but he managed to get the shockers off of him. They were now standing in the middle of the front garden.

"Thank you so much," Drew grinned. "My nipples missed the fresh air."

"They look like pepperonis."

"I know." He looked up at Seth. "You should come with me."

"I don't think I can leave."

"Come on, I'll share my girlfriend's boobs with you." Drew stared at Seth expectantly.

"No, I can't." Before Drew could continue persuading him, the boy pulled his pants down.

"You have a shock collar on your dick?"

"Jessica put it there," Seth sighed dejectedly, pulling his pants back up. "Good luck out there."

Drew scrunched up his face for a minute. "I'll come back for you."

"Bring me donuts. And your girlfriend's boobs."



"So when's the wedding?" Jessica asked the couple as they were having breakfast the next day. "I might have to reschedule a couple of assassinations just to make it."

"Next week." Jenn said, nodding.

Suddenly, a very angry looking Krysty entered the room. "WHERE'S MY BOYFRIEND?"

"Oh, he left. I saw Seth let him out." Jen said nonchalantly, wiping flour off the counter tops.

"DOODLE!" Krysty charged towards the boy who was eating a banana in the living room. Before he could even react, Krysty smacked him across the face. "Asshole."

Miranda was in her room, spreading more flour on the floor for no reason.