Top memorable customers from current and past jobs

Don't worry, identities concealed to protect all parties…not that I know who any of them were, lol. However if you find yourself on this list, change your guilty K mart shopping ways.

The rather overweight man who came through in overalls and no shirt, at all. Flopping nipple city. I actually asked a fellow employee if this was even legal.

While we had a very long line and only one cashier, the man in the back of the line who screamed at the top of his lungs, "I don't want to be at Kmart for the rest of my life!"

The person who stole a large amount of baby clothes, or rather, attempted to, by sticking them inside a suitcase

The man who, while going through my line, asked me about the scar on my neck. Here is the conversation:

Man: *rudely pointing* How'd you get that scar on your neck?

Me: …accident with a broomstick when I was nine.

Man: Oh. I thought maybe you tried to kill yourself or something.

…..If you SINCERELY though that, WHYYYYY would you ask someone about it?

The man who attempted to pick me up through the following conversation:

Man: (who, mind you, was in another cashier's line, and also was fifty): *turns around and stares at me while my back is turned. I am oblivious. Finally: What are you doing?

Me: (finally realizes he means me, turns around) Sir?

Man: what are you doing? *creepy stare*

Me: …working?

Man: *creepy stare* I like your complexion.

Me: …thank you? *as I think, I have a million zits right now*

Man: *creepy stare continues* I like your voice.

Me: ….thank you? *as I think, I have a COLD*

Man: *still creepy stare* …is there anything you want to say to me?

Me: ….no?

Man: *mutters something about me working and shuffles off*

Woman who, after I rang her up with my usual pleasantries of how are you, would you like blah blah blah, have a nice day, turns around, glares at me, and says in a very hostile tone, "Don't you EVER throw my money back at me again! That was VERY rude!"

Woman who got pissed after I wouldn't go do a price check for her, knowing that the price was right, when the store was closing in thirty seconds

Woman who I rang up 75 dollars worth of severely clearanced items, which means you have to individually ring up and sometimes get a manager to override each price, then, when a coupon printed out saying you get five dollars off your next purchase of over fifty dollars, insisted I should take off that five dollars on THAT already completed order. Then marched over to customer service and took up another ten minutes arguing with them, then another twenty minutes minimum as they had to return all items, then rering them all up all over again so she could get her five dollars off.

Woman who I rang up nearly 100 dollars worth of stuff, looked up her telephone number to use her bonus card, then found her mom's physical card and wanted to use it to get points off. When explained you couldn't use two cards, made me void out the sale, rering it up, and use the other card…to save THIRTEEN CENTS.

Man who, when I gave him a free five dollar gift card that has to be used by a certain period of time, looked at me like I was a jerk and said, "These things are useless! Whoopee, FIVE whole dollars and I can't use it forever!"

Elderly woman who came through my line three times, each time talking about a 22 year old family member who was "having a baby when she's NOT EVEN MARRIED, Lord save us all" and then would cackle in an unsettling manner.

Woman who came through my line twice, each time doing all but standing on her head to try to get me distracted from forgetting to ask about March of Dimes so she could get a free Pepsi, which has a value of about 99 cents

Woman who came through my line and handed me a pile of wadded up clothes, then proceeded to tell me she had had an accident and could I please put them in a bag for her.

Man who came through my line obviously drunk, buying more beer just before Sunday began, and weaved back and forth as he told me how beautiful I am and asked if I had a boyfriend and if he told me how beautiful I am every day

Man who had an answering machine (at my salesperson job) which read, "This is (name), I'm not home, leave a message after the tone!" in a bad singing voice before it broke out into guitar music

Couple I had to call, both with a masculine first name, with the last name of Dykes

Woman who yelled at me for accidentally bumping her with a grocery cart in a crowded aisle

Woman who looked at me like I was an overdramatic freak when I blurted out "Oh my god!" when her meat packages came undone and spewed blood on me, my register, and her groceries

Man who argued with me that my own name was misspelled on my name tag. When I explained that no, it was not, he swore up and down it was not possible to spell my name that way because "it was wrong."

Woman who insisted the customer's service person was racist because she wouldn't give her a bunch of bags when she wasn't purchasing anything

The man who asked me if the scratch on my arm was a suicide attempt

The woman who somehow could not get it through her head that if you accidentally ring up an item three times, that you can't take off all three times because you actually do have to have the item on there once, since yes, you do have to pay for it

The man who attempted to have a ten minute conversation over nothing when the store was closed and I had pointedly said "Have a nice night" three times already

The man who made fun of me and called me a weakling because I thought his 40 pound bag of dog food he had me lifting, which is nearly 40% of my weight, was a bit heavy

The woman who, at my salesperson dog, had a twenty minute conversation with me about her childhood and then bought nothing

The many, many men, who remarked on how my seventeen year old self had to lift so much heavy stuff (dog food, 24 packs of water, etc) while standing back smirking, arms crossed, and not helping

The woman who's child accidentally knocked something off the shelf, went to pick it up, and she said to him, "Oh, don't bother, leave it for them. That's their job to do that."

The many, MANY customers who declared "Next time I'll go to Wal-Mart," "They never do that at Wal-Mart," or "From now on I'm going to Wal-Mart," as if that's making me shiver to my toes or something

The many customers who ask me if they can push the red button to make a loud noise "just because"

The woman who bought $300 dollars worth of stuff, had her child wheel it out to the car, started to pay with a debit card, ran to "go get one more thing," then took off with all the stuff as her card was declined