Maybe it was the first time,
I took a risk and explained to you,
And you replied, "I understand,"
Even though I saw that confusion - and was it fear? -
in your eyes
That I first realized we were not the same.
Of course I changed my story
Of course I assured you it was not true
Because you don't want to hear the truth
Because lying is the most love I can show you
And you need love, not fear
Oh, how was I to know it was so unnatural?
You say you don't hear those three words enough
and I say them every day -
but I think I know what you mean...
After all, words spoken without care
Is nearly worse than not saying them at all
You really only ever wanted what was best for me.
But maybe I can't feel the same,
and never could
because pity and sympathy -
"Thank you mom, nice try, sometimes I wish it wasn't this way for you" -
are not the same as love
And loving (when I remember) because it is expected, is not really love.
I just thought you'd like to know
(Not that I'll ever truly tell you,
since you're so happy this way)
I never blamed you when you tried so hard
And if I was any other person it would have been perfect
You'd have been so good, if I was any other person.
And that's why there's such a perfect illusion,
Almost the best I can offer
Because lying is the most love I can show you
And don't you love this false image I've made for you
more than what I truly am?
You've accepted it so graciously
But sometimes I think you know;
a glance, a glimpse, a flicker
of emotion that crosses your face
a pain I can never relate to,
But oh, I recognize what it is
Yes, I think you know.