Kind of random. Also Biographical. Very. You'll find all sorts of horrible information about myself in this.
NOTE: The time period is kind of different in this. I wanted to modernize it.
WARNING: Swearing, violent thoughts, sexual implications and Cadbury's Chocolate. Don't like it, don't read it.
DISCLAIMER: Any trademarks mentioned in this are not my fault (well they are), but it's necessary to mention them.
They welcomed her. With open arms. Not that she didn't appreciate it, but she didn't want to be here. She wanted to be home. On her bed. Watching the shows she was familiar with, playing with the children she loved. She didn't want to be here, she wanted to be there. She felt downright stupid here.
And it was all his fault. His fault she was in a country she'd never been to before, with no way back. His fault she was feeling like this in the first place.
But Darlene Elena Walker wasn't allowed to feel safe at home. Her world was only meant to be ripped apart and she was meant to grow up faster than people ever thought possible.
Thanksgiving. A holiday she had never known existed before. It took place two days after they arrived, at her mother's precious fiance's parent's house. Darlene didn't feel like being social, but it was all she could do there. There was no place to just run away and hide and feel safe here, no one she knew all her life to comfort her.
She attempted to put together a big jigsaw puzzle that they had there. And failed. It would have taken hours to put it together. This made Darlene see that she was a failure. She was hopeless. She didn't deserve a place in this world.
His fault, his fault, all his fucking fault, she thought mentally. She didn't say that out loud though. She knew that everyone would have been offended. She couldn't ever say how she really felt out loud. Everyone would ask her questions.
From then on, Darlene lost concept of time, just as she had gained it. Time didn't matter to her, unless it came to the time of her death.
Christmas came fast. Too fast. The snow was beautiful here, and was much more plentiful here than back home. But what did that matter when no one she truly loved was here to share it?
She had them. His little sisters Trish and Katie. Not to mention his little brother. They all had fun in the snow, and Darlene loved the jokes. The hot cocoa afterwords.
And she loved him as well.
Darlene created characters. Games. They were toys to her. They were her only means of escape from her mother's soon-to-be husbands bullying.
He made her feel small and insecure. He made her feel like it was all her fault. And her mother tolerated it.
Because she loves him so fucking much, she thought bitterly. Because he said all the right things to convince her to leave home. It's all his fault!
Darlene didn't know it at the time, but it wasn't her mother's fiance's fault, but his.
It was all his fault.
Church here wasn't like church back home. For one thing, it was bigger. For another, people there were different. Formal. They were always aiming to please. Darlene could see it in the air, in their smiles, in their very eyes. Darlene sat beside her soon-to-be stepfather's little sisters Isabelle and Rose, drawing on the back of some envelopes. She then decided God hated her. Hated her enough to give her this kind of life, with him. Hated her enough to give her him as a father. Hated her enough to take her away from all she knew.
Either that, or he simply didn't exist. Even though she was only eight years old, she made her own decisions.
There is no God, she thought. And if I go to hell because of it, so be it. I'll have to lie about it though. People expect it from me.
Her mother's wedding day. Her mother's special day. What did it matter to Darlene. Oh, yeah, she was getting a new "dad."
She didn't have a dad. Nor did she want one. She was happy with only her mother. But her mother wasn't happy. She was in love with him. Enough to see her daughter never smile again. Tears streamed down her cheeks when she woke up, remembering. It was January 7th, 2008, their wedding day.
Darlene wanted to run away, never come back. She didn't want to live. What was there worth living for? Her little brother.
She wanted to scream. She wanted someone to be there for her, someone who knew what she was going through. To hold her. It was like she was three years old again. Thinking it was scary to be all alone in the dark. Only it wasn't dark, it was actually quite light.
It was all his fault. His fault because he left her when she needed him. He didn't care. Not about her. His daughter. He just up and left without a second glance.
"So, are you excited?"
"How does it feel for your mother to get married?"
"Are you looking forward now that your getting a new dad?"
People only kept asking questions. Darlene wanted to tell them to go away. Why don't you ask if I'm OK? If I can leave this goddamn wedding? I don't want it to happen! I don't want to be here! Just go dig me a fucking grave!
It was her mother fiance, soon-to-be husband. In a matter of minutes, he would be. Darlene sighed at the thought.
"What was that for?" he was now smiling. Darlene's emotions must have showed on her face. Her little brother was there, now wearing a light blue clip on tie with his smart outfit. Darlene was wearing a lovely dress – she had had it since she was six and was surprised she hadn't grown much – but it didn't look lovely to her.
He put the choker her mother made for her around her neck. "Smile, Darlene," he told her. "You are so much prettier when you smile."
How could she tell him that she felt she could never smile again. Not sincerely. Not truly. She's be forced to fake it.
Her smiles, her laughs, were artificial.
"Come on, Darlene, give us a smile!"
"That's it, that's it!"
Cameras flashed. The pictures were giving her a headache.
She wanted to run away. She wanted to scream. This wasn't right. She felt as if her life was raped. As if she were dying a slow, torturous death at that very moment.
In a way, she was.
It was all his fault. Only he made this happen. Only him.
Her mother left with him. Her new husband. Darlene's stepfather. A man who hated her guts. And she, his.
What was worse was that her stepfather's family loved her. And she was coming to love them, too.
"Welcome to the family," her new aunt told her.
Darlene appreciated it, but felt empty inside.
Please R&R. I want some reviews, and I like constructive criticism.