When I think about that night my head starts spinning, my stomach becomes upset. My only thought is I want it to stop! The depression, the pulsating depression is more than I can take. I want to live, I want to breathe the fresh air, I can't. I'm stuck. I'm stuck with no way out. I am mortified to think of what I have done. I am a slave to my desires, of my lusts. Now I want out. You had your chance they say, you had your way out. Now it's time to pay. They whisper to me in the darkness. .time to pay...time to pay. They taunt me, knowing I can't stop them. My only wish is that I would have listened. My only fear is that people, the ones I love the most will find me out. What have I done... It sickens me to think that this life that I was given will soon be ended. I had so much potential; I don't deserve this I tell myself. Oh, but, I do. Life is a gift. When you have gone so far into the darkness as I have, you are grateful for the little light they allow you. I once smelt roses every day; every day has turned to every night. I now smell moth balls and disgusting decay. I smell the decay of my life, the decay of my pitiless, short life. Everywhere I turn, beady eyes watch me. You had it all they say; now you have given all that to us. They feed off my spirit. Once it was so vibrant and gay, now it is nothing but fear itself; The Fear, the constant fear, eating away at my very being. It's only a matter of time now. Soon, they say, I will be just a memory. Not much of a memory at that. I never helped anyone but myself. Please! Just give me one more chance! I know that pleading is useless. I ask myself, would I make the same mistakes again? And I say no, no, it couldn't be, but I know it's true. I know that I would. That's human nature. Nothing wretched and evil will befall I used to say. But no, now I see, as I sink lower...lower into my demise that those were just lies.