I make them all the time

Everyone does

But one

Keeps threatening me

One I have not made yet

But I know

I am on the verge

I hold back

But I can't forever

I cannot say it

But it is always in my mind

Always there

I cannot escape it

But I cannot say it either

I have one wonderful thing in my life

It is something I didn't even let myself invision

As it was something I would never find

But somehow I did

But now the waiting mistake, threatens to end it

I fight and fight and fight

Against my coming mistake

I push it down and push it down and push it down

But I cannot escape it

I must say it

I must say it

Must say it

Must say it

Say it

Say it!

I want to end it!


It is out

But not explained it

It is because

Of me

I do not want to drag you down

Pull you into the black hole that is my emotion

The never ending 360 of my problems

To my petty gripping greed

To use you to keep from falling farther backwards into the blackness of my true self

I want to free you

From the black anchor

That is me

To stop my

Never ending

Trust problems

Intimacy problems

Commitment issues

Worrys guilt


I know

How much you love me

How much I love you

But my stupid martyr complex

Tells me once you recovered

You would be better off

That is the mistake that torments me

That is the reasoning

But it is a mistake

No matter how my twisted mind wants to rationalize it

Nothing but the worst mistake of my existance

Waiting to happen