Anxiety

Sitting in the bed, a crazy girl.
Back to the hospital, mind darkening,
whirling, remembering what has been done.
Alone with nothing to hold onto,
a TV in one corner with a horror movie-
so much blood. The blood. Memories overtake
terror, pain but the sun was shining.
How can the sun shine and yet there be so much pain?
It is as if the world is watching with its judging eyes,
nurses, doctors, they just want to pry.
But how to explain something not understood?
Trying to think-
pain, terror that they cannot comprehend.
A woman sitting by the door, she does not speak,
not to me, glances at me with eyes that slide away
then laughs, talks with a passing friend.
She is easy to hate in that moment.
Why? Why does she get to laugh, to smile.
Memories reveal a smile,
a little girl playing in a yard, full of life
how did it come to this? Blood
seeking to find its way out, end the life.
Here though, hurt and alone, trapped.
Terror, pain, shame all of it swirling within
a blackness that seeks to suffocate.
Then standing in the doorway, family.
I cannot even welcome them in.


This poem was written as a creative response to Kelly Cherry's "Alzheimer's".