i know you said you'd wait
forever, but im not sure ill make it.
oh god, i want to do this
for you, for my mother, for me,
but this shaking of my hands
and the condition of my head,
is no longer in my control,
its ruled by a higher power
with a track record full of lies.
goddammit, i swallowed the apple
and im dealing with the consequences.
i cant have you holding my hand,
i led myself to it and opened my mouth,
and now i have to spit it back out.
i can fucking do this.

(the devil didnt teach
her to lie like that,
this was all her.
)

5/26/12