She turned around and walked away, and I watched her go, unable to do anything but wish. I wished she could be mine, that I could chase after her and stay with her forever. But that wasn't possible. Every step she took away hurt me, it was a deep, searing pain that left bleeding scars long after the initial feeling. My heart cracked and I raised my hand to touch her – but she was so far away now, not knowing how much I loved her.
Maybe if things were different, we could be together. She didn't love me, but if things were different, I could tell her. I could tell her how much I love her, and I could tell her everything that had been left unsaid. But it wasn't that way, and I watched her go, the three words I was longing to say still burning inside of me. They were the words that wouldn't come out, not because I didn't want them to, but because they couldn't, because it was wrong. Just wrong...
"I love you," I whispered, just to find out how they would feel on my tongue. "I love you..." I closed my eyes and imagined what it would be like, to be able to hold her tight, whisper to her in the night, kiss her, make her laugh, make her smile... I wondered what it could be like to be the one she loved. It's not going to happen. I know that. I know it's just a dream, a wish, not a possibility. But sometimes dreams are better than reality, and I wished I never had to wake up from this fantasy. With a heavy heart, I turned around and walked away. It's tearing me apart, and I just wanted to say three small words.
I watched her as her eyes glazed over, as she slipped into deep thought, and I smiled, because she looked so beautiful. She always did, and I wished I could tell her every day how amazing she was. My hand moved forward on its own accord to touch her, but I turned around, and with a soft goodbye, I headed back.
She didn't see, she didn't realise, how I'm breaking on the inside. Every time I saw her, I wanted to reach out and pull her close, hold her tight against me. But I wasn't allowed. I would tell her in a heartbeat, but I wasn't allowed. It was sad, really, that this pure love I felt was considered wrong, just because she was a girl.
There were times when I couldn't contain it, and I just burst into tears, and she would always be the one to hug me, and comfort me. I knew it worried her, but I couldn't tell her why. I couldn't tell her that not having her was killing me. Her laughter, her smile, everything she did, it made me love her even more.
Laws, rules, complications, kept us away from each other. Every time I almost said it, there would be a law that kept me away from it. And I wanted to tell her, so much. Sometimes when I looked into her eyes, I swear my heart stopped. Sometimes I thought that she loved me too, but even if she did, the rules put up a barrier that neither of us could overcome. Love was dangerous here, and I had to play by their games. But I love her. And someday, I will find a way around this county's homophobic rules, and someday, I will tell her that I love her. One day...