Already Dead

Every day I wonder if I could have said goodbye. Or even a small gesture to say as if "I'll miss you," or "I love you." But I knew now that would never happen.

I was in a place that told me I was on my way to my end. Every moment of each minute and second told me this as I felt myself float.

Was I dying?

That's surely what it felt like. Like everything in the world meant nothing now. I felt a burning sensation come over me, a fire begin in my toes and move ever so slowly to my head.

Though it still was there at the tip of my toes, I still felt the fire, and wanted it to stop.

I heard the whispers around me as my body thrashed and withered and burned from the fire. I could see white wings dance around me.

Words such as, "Don't die," "You'll pull through," and "It's not your time," was moving around me. I gasped at the beauty. What was happening?

I saw a man with a long brown beard and mustache appears in front of me. Eyes as brown as chocolate, and yet they held the sweetness of care deep inside them.

This man had long hair down over his shoulders, and smiled at my withering body. How he found this amusing, I'd never know. But between his smile and his eyes, they held the strangest contrast ever in existence. Care, love, and happiness. As if he knew me, he already loved me, and took pride in this love. Who was this strange man that somehow someway loved and cared for me?

"Hello Child." I gasped at his words. His mouth had barely opened as he spoke these words. I star confusingly at this man. He smiled small at me, and spoke more. He had to of known me." I guess you wonder who I am. Where you are, and how you happen to come around here am I correct Child?"

I found myself at a loss of words. I simply nodded my head limply.

"Yes it can be quite confusing can't it? Finding you not knowing where are. Well, child, what do you see?"

I stare ahead at nothing, and look to find a clue. White fluffy wings. Gowns, clouds. And...Beauty. Everything looked so beautiful.

I tried my best to speak. To ask him where, but I sit unknowingly gaping. At a loss of words, and scared. So afraid. More so than ever. Something was burning, and I felt my body convulse to a shake as a shock coursed throughout the deepest part of me. I shrieked of agony as the pain moved itself throughout me. I felt as if I was burning alive. Checking down at my bottom half, I found no trace of flames, and yet whenever I touched a place that burned, I felt only warmth and the pain would get worse. And as I concentrated on the burning parts of my body, I found myself seeing faint green-like bruises. A sizzle. Like I was being roasted. I stared at the man bewildered and frightened. Begging him with my eyes for explanation to why something so painful was happening.

He bent down and grabbed my hand, and took a firm grip onto it. As if it would soothe me, but it did nothing of the sort.

"It is the change. You are not ready to die yet I can see. It is not your time. You are so young, and you will be born again. You are already dead. Your body has reached its dead end for it could hold out no longer against you're murder. You are changing now, and you will be someone so much different, and you will be the same as well. You will experience pain.

More so than anything in the world, but do not fear, for after sometime you will not feel it at all. And you will be reborn." The man explained to me. I shivered from his touch. It was so cold compared to how I was feeling as of now. He let go of my hand, and set it beside my thrashing body. I wanted him to stop the fire, not let it go on. And though my body cried for help, I just cried. I screamed and cried. Thrashed and shrieked throughout the pain. It lasted for days. So long I was dying. And I kept dying. I would be forever dead.